Metamorphosis
by R.G. Waffles
Summary: Moving countries, Sasuke sets about conducting his own experiment: if he changes his looks, will people still like him? He meets Naruto, who proves otherwise. Turns out he's still a jerk. High School AU.
1. Gathering Sources

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Hello, readers! I hadn't expected to post a new story so soon, but I was so excited about this one that I've been working on it for quite some time. I'm aiming at a different take on high school AU's, one that's more mature than my last. This story is a little sillier and more lighthearted than what I've been posting lately so it's a great break, and I'm experimenting with romance for the first time (!) because my next story in the works is going to be very heavy and very romance-centric. Think of this story as a nice road in between. Pairings are surprises and essential to the plot.

For now, updates are scheduled to be every two weeks at maximum. Information isn't revealed immediately. Please enjoy!

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**Chapter One**

…**:::Gathering Sources:::…**

**Metamorphosis:** the process of transformation from an immature form to an adult form; a change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one.

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**September**

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"Hello! Welcome to Kikyo! My name is Ino Yamanaka."

Ino stared at the latest piece of eye candy to walk into the department store. Business had been a little too busy lately, what with school coming back in session in a few days, and she'd attempted to duck away from the overwhelming crowd of customers. That was when she spotted Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Handsome stroll right through the makeup aisles looking like he needed her to swoop in and rescue him.

Scope. Zero in. Target: locked.

She squeezed her elbows into her sides to make her breasts pop out as best she could in the all-black self-proclaimed trash bag that was her employee uniform. His dark eyes had been scanning the foundations, she noticed. Those perfectly groomed eyebrows and flawless skin of his were _clearly_ a sign that he knew his way around self-care, but from the confusion evident in his expression, makeup didn't seem to be his forte.

"Looking for some foundation, handsome? Your skin doesn't need it," Ino said as brightly as she could. "Some eyeliner, on the other hand –"

"I'm shopping for my girlfriend," he cut her off.

_Oh, so there's a goalie, hmm?_ Ino stepped back a little and smiled even wider, more determined to impress. Just because there was a goalie didn't mean she couldn't score. The stony-eyed glare she received in return didn't faze her in the slightest.

"What a sweetheart! Already know what you want, or are you trying to surprise her for the first time?"

He muttered under his breath that he knew exactly what he was looking for and sidestepped her to move away, reaching for a bottle of dark BB cream. _Okay then_, thought Ino, _we can play this game later_. He would have to stop by the cashiers eventually, and she had to get back to her job. She flashed him a dazzling smile and retreated into the growing crowd of mall-goers.

It wasn't until half an hour later that she spotted him making his way over to checkout – not that she had been waiting for him or anything. Of course not. Her eyes lit up, she puffed her chest out, and she hastily moved to intercept him. She cast a quick glance at the items in his cart for research purposes: one black shirt and one navy shirt that were several sizes too big for his lean body, obscuring everything else he had bought beneath.

Whatever. What he bought wasn't important.

"Hey again, handsome." She casually ran a hand through her blonde hair and stepped in front of his cart, then leaned over it and winked at him. Damn her uniform for being so . . . _conservative_. She could use a little cleavage leverage right about now. "Listen, I know you're shopping for your girlfriend, but if you ever decide you need a girl who's a little more _adventurous_, I work weekends here until 5 pm."

The boy pointedly glared at her. Had she gone a little too far in her game? Was her flirting actually not working? Impossible! There was probably something on her face. Maybe he was a prude. She watched his dark eyes flicker to the aisle they stood next to and his lips quirked into a smirk.

Without breaking eye contact, he reached into the aisle, grabbed the nearest box of tampons from the shelf, and threw it into the cart in front of Ino.

"I'm late for my date."

Ino stepped back, dumbstruck. The boy took it as an opportunity to plow his cart through to checkout. She didn't even bother to look back as her face grew hot in embarrassment. With a huff of irritation, she balled her hands into fists at her sides and turned on her heels.

What.

An.

_Asshole!_

…

"Ino, let's go, you're making me late for my date with Five Guys."

"You don't have enough holes in your body to _have_ a date with five guys, Naruto."

Ino huffed, throwing the black apron of her uniform into her locker and slamming it shut. Her friend was leaning against the door frame of the department store's locker room, waggling his eyebrows at her suggestively with his arms crossed over his chest.

"All you need is a mouth," he licked his lips.

From beside him, a pink-haired girl swatted at his shoulder with a laugh. "If we knew you were so desperate to suck dick, Naruto, Ino and I would be glad to hook you up with someone."

"Sakura, I will suck _anything_ at this point to get some damn Five Guys fries in my belly right now, so can we _please go_?"

"Quit your whining, I'm coming!"

Naruto rolled his eyes as Ino shoved past him. "Someone's a little pissy today."

Ino huffed again. She looped her arm through Sakura's and fell into step beside her as they exited the department store and stepped into the chatter of the mall. "I met this asshole today. This _gorgeous_ asshole, but asshole nonetheless."

Naruto laughed. "You mean you tried to flirt with some hot stranger and he turned you down so now he's an asshole?" He knew Ino was always on the lookout for the latest cute guy to turn on her charms. Flirting was her favorite sport, but she didn't understand the concept of boundaries.

"He really _was_ an asshole!"

"Sure, sure. Did you get a name?"

"Yeah. His name's Asshole."

Naruto rolled his eyes at his blonde counterpart and turned to Sakura. "You were going to tell us something?"

"There's supposedly a new kid at school. Our age."

At this, both Naruto and Ino stopped. Sakura jerked backwards at the sudden movement, her arm still entwined in Ino's.

"No way?" Naruto grinned, excited. "Girl or guy? This is the first new kid at Konoha High in _forever!_"

"Forehead-girl looking into someone's classified information at school? This is an interesting development." Ino winked at Sakura and nudged her. "Welcome to the wild side."

Sakura rolled her eyes. She dragged on Ino's arm to keep them moving. "I did _not_ open any classified documents! Danzo asked me to put his information into the system this morning. And no, Ino, there was no picture on file."

"It's a _he?!"_ Ino exclaimed. "New boy toy?"

"New _friend_?" Sakura corrected.

"Who knows?" Naruto nudged Ino teasingly. "Maybe he's that asshole you just met."

They were coming upon the mall's food court, overcrowded with teenagers trying to squeeze in any final semblance of summer vacation before school set in. Naruto grabbed Sakura's hand as they tried to maneuver their way through the flocks of perfumes, body sprays, and insecurities.

"Choo-choo!" he yelled out, leading the way and pumping his hand in the air like a train conductor. "Choo-choo, coming through!"

"Naruto!"

Ino tried to hide her face in one hand as Sakura pulled on her other. They were snaking through the crowds to the Five Guys restaurant nestled in the center of the food court options. Sakura openly laughed at the grin plastered on Naruto's face; the boy fully relished in their humiliation and knew they loved him anyway.

When the trio was finally seated at a table behind an unusually high mound of French fries and six burgers (four for Naruto, two for Ino and Sakura respectively), Naruto turned his attention to Sakura. Around a mouthful of beef, he said, "So what else do we know about the new kid?"

Sakura looked thoughtful for a moment, unsure of how much information was classified. "He moved here a month ago from Kumo –"

"Wait, a _month_?" Ino threw her hands up dramatically. "And no one's seen or heard of him? Impossible. What is he, the mafia or something?"

"Maybe his family is really shy."

"Or maybe they're criminals on the run."

"Chew your food before you speak, Naruto. Or better yet, just don't speak at all."

"You love me, really, Ino."

"_Anyway_," Sakura reached for a fry, "his transcripts are impeccable. Straight A's, extra-curriculars –"

"Just cut to the chase, Forehead, and tell us his _name!_"

At the unwanted pet name, Sakura scoffed. "Classified. And I don't mean classified as in I'm trying to get back at you for calling me Forehead. I mean I couldn't access any of his personal information like his name or whatever. Just put his grades on file."

Naruto swallowed the last bite of his first burger and licked the stray ketchup from his lips before he sat back with his hands laced behind his head. "Whatever his name is, we're going to be the best welcoming committee this kid's ever seen, got it? Tell the gang. Being the new kid sucks."

"Our _gang_," Ino scrunched her nose at the word, "doesn't need to get any bigger. Besides, what if he's an asshole like you said?" She made to grab for the finger Naruto wagged in her face.

"No picking on the new kid for at least a week until we get to know him," the blond warned her. "Those are the rules. Asshole or not, we've got to give him a chance. Now come on, I promised we'd meet up with everyone at The Spot once we were done."

There was no arguing with Naruto. Ino sighed and picked lamely at her burger, her ego bruised, as Sakura munched away happily.

…

In a particularly unassuming neighborhood, there was a house.

There was nothing remarkable about the house in any way, except that it had been newly occupied. A single light illuminated the kitchen window from where a teenage boy was leaning over a dinner of tomato soup and croutons. He blew at a spoonful to cool it down, his eyes trained on the laptop in front of him playing some show or other, and had been about to take a sip when a voice broke his concentration:

"Um, Sasuke?"

Sasuke Uchiha looked up from his soup and show to find his brother staring at him from the doorway with eyebrows drawn in concern, holding up a bag of trash in one hand and a box in the other.

A box of tampons.

A box of tampons that his brother had found in the trash.

Sasuke's trash.

"I was taking out the trash and – I wasn't snooping, I promise, it was quite obvious but – um . . . Is there something we need to talk about?"

Sasuke had never seen his brother look so confused in his life. He let out an uncharacteristic howl of laughter.

"Jesus fuck, _no,_ Itachi. Get whatever you're thinking out of your head." His stomach protested; he hadn't laughed in such a long time, especially since his summer had been downright miserable. It seemed to only make Itachi more concerned, so he settled for the truth. "This girl wouldn't leave me alone when I was shopping for school supplies today. I bought those because I told her I had a girlfriend I was shopping for."

Itachi let a little smile grace his lips. He was more than relieved to see a smile return to his brother's face, let alone a laugh. "You went through all that trouble to avoid a girl? You know if you could work some charm on them, you'd have an actual girlfriend instead of pretending to shop for one."

Sasuke snorted into his soup.

". . . Boyfriend, then?" Itachi asked, amused.

"And have to care about someone else's feelings? No thank you."

"Ah," Itachi mused as he placed the box of tampons on the kitchen counter and tied the trash bag closed. "I see you enjoy the company of brick walls and rocks. Not as enjoyable to have sex with, I must say."

Sasuke choked on his soup. "For fuck's sake, Itachi –!"

Itachi threw the box of tampons at him, interrupting his protest. "Put those tampons in the donation bin by the library on your next run, will you? Such a waste of perfectly good product." And with that, he left to put the trash outside.

Sasuke decided he was going to lock his door from then on. He had an experiment to carry out once school started, and he couldn't risk Itachi altering any of his hard-earned data.

…

One week later, Sakura was the first person to meet the new kid.

Word had gotten around all of town that there was a new student at Konoha High for the first time in years, but no one had seen him yet. Naruto had excitedly informed his friends of his plan to take him under their wing and show him around the town; an unofficial Welcome Committee, he had enthusiastically exclaimed to a wave of eye-rolls.

When the new student walked into the front office on Monday morning, Sakura was unexpectedly underwhelmed.

He shuffled in through the front door looking like he had rolled out of bed and then rolled around in the gravel of the school parking lot. His jet-black hair was stuck up in all sorts of directions and pulled back in others, long enough to end at the green scarf tied thickly around his neck. The eyes behind his turtle-shell glasses were dark, heightened by the darkness under them that could only come from a severe lack of sleep and the blotchiness of his skin tone.

"New face!" Shizune said cheerfully from where she sat at the reception desk to Sakura's right, drawing the dark eyes of the boy to her. "You must be Sasuke Uchiha from Kumogakure!"

Sakura saw Sasuke shift uncomfortably beneath her gaze. "That obvious?"

"You're the first new student in Konoha in over a decade, so it's a little obvious." Shizune laughed politely. "I'm Ms. Shizune. Mr. Shimura has been expecting you, but he's a little busy right now so we've had a student of ours volunteer to help you out."

"I don't think I'll be needing any help –"

"Sasuke Uchiha?"

Sakura chose to try to rescue Sasuke from a situation he was clearly uncomfortable with. Maybe he was a little shy, she thought. Maybe he had been bullied at his past school, what with him clearly being overweight and awkward; she tried not to glance at his large stomach that barely fit beneath his green school blazer and oversized pants.

The boy raised one thick eyebrow at her.

Sakura smiled warmly at him and held out her hand. "I'm Sakura Haruno. Mr. Shimura asked me to help you settle in."

Sasuke looked down at her hand, but before he could return the gesture, Shizune's ringing phone interrupted the scene. The woman smiled at both of them as she answered the call. She put her hand over the speaker, whispered, "Good luck!" and waved them away.

Sakura withdrew her hand in favor of motioning for Sasuke to follow her. She handed him a folder stuffed neatly with papers.

"Mr. Shimura – he's the principal, in case you didn't know – asked me to help you settle in. Your schedule is in that folder, along with a few pamphlets about the school, some clubs, lunch options, and a little map –"

"Sakura."

"Your schedule says your first class is Advanced Fundamentals in Business which is pretty annoying to have as your first –"

"Sakura."

"But Asuma's a pretty good teacher if you look past –"

She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned around to meet dark eyes that were clearly frustrated.

"Do you always talk this much?"

Wait, what?

The world seemed to stop. In the distance, a record scratch tore through the silence of Sakura's mind. Her eyebrows shot up. _How rude_, she thought, frowning. A dozen different scenarios raced through her head in an instant: Sasuke had been kicked out of his old school for being an asshole. He had been bullied too much to stay. He was trying to turn over a new leaf in Konoha by being the tough guy. He was abused at home. She watched him sigh, run a hand through his hair, and grimace when his fingers were met with resistance from what looked to be hair gel.

"I'm sorry," Sasuke muttered. "Look, this is great. Thanks. But I'm sure I can manage on my own. This isn't exactly my first rodeo."

Sakura smiled thinly at him, clearly deflated. Sorry wasn't going to cut it. "Of course. Nice to meet you, Sasuke. Good luck."

She left him standing. Alone.

The new kid was an asshole. She had to report back to Naruto.

…

Kiba Inuzuka was the second lucky person to encounter Sasuke Uchiha.

Naruto was, unfortunately, one of his best friends. When the boy wanted him to jump, Kiba asked how high and jumped even higher for him. He had begrudgingly accepted Naruto's plea to make friends with the new kid, even if he believed their already-large social circle didn't need any more expanding. And so, there he was, slamming his food platter onto a table in the cafeteria at lunch across the heavyset new boy.

He removed his green beanie and ruffled his shaggy brown hair, not caring that it stuck wildly on edge.

"Ay, new kid!" His toothy grin was met with a glare. "You seemed a little lonely. The name's Kiba." He clapped Sasuke roughly on the back, jarring the Uchiha's glasses to the edge of his nose.

"Charmed," Sasuke replied venomously.

Kiba ignored the tone. He sat down and waved around a fork of broccoli. "Sasuke, I heard. We aren't used to having a new kid around so I guess everyone's just been ignoring you, huh? It's cool, though, my friends and I agreed we'd try and make you feel right at home."

"There's more of you?"

Was that an eye-roll? Kiba winked at him regardless. "We're the only people you _want_ to know, trust me. The coolest people in town. I could even help you out at the gym, yeah? Packing on a little weight there." He playfully swatted at the belly of the boy from beneath the table, barking out a laugh. "Like jelly! Watch what you eat, man!"

He jokingly shoved his broccoli onto Sasuke's platter of food before taking a bite of his own. That was funny, right? He hummed in appreciation at his own humor, not noticing Sasuke's lip curl in displeasure.

"Shikamaru's gotten into a bit of trouble in Woodshop, though, so my friends are going to be a little late. I was in P.E. so I missed it, but apparently that lazy bastard almost lost a finger! Serves him right, I swear, to be anywhere near a damn chainsaw . . ."

Kiba waved around his fork as he spoke animatedly, bits of spaghetti sauce flicking onto Sasuke's plate and green tie. He had been about to get to Asuma's reaction when Sasuke's baritone cut cleanly through the conversation.

"No offense, but is there some other tree you could be barking up?" Sasuke glared flatly at him. "I didn't ask you to sit with me."

There was a moment where Kiba was too surprised at the casual dismissal to properly form any emotion. One, two, three heartbeats. The moment passed as swiftly as it had come and his eyebrows drew together in anger. He practically growled at Sasuke.

"What, seriously? Or is that some kind of joke?"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at the challenge from behind his glasses. "Did I stutter?"

Kiba's chair squealed against the floor as he shoved it back, standing up abruptly. He stabbed his spaghetti with his fork violently.

"Fucking jerk," he spat.

He flicked his fork at Sasuke. Spaghetti and sauce flew poetically through the air to land on Sasuke's well-pressed white shirt. Sasuke stood up once it made contact, his own chair falling backwards with a clatter that had all eyes in the cafeteria turning to him.

"What the _fuck –_?"

"I was just trying to be nice, asshole," Kiba interrupted him. He picked up his platter and turned on his heels. "Have fun being alone for the rest of the year."

Kiba stomped away, anger making his face warm and his shoulders stiff. He could hear people snickering at Sasuke's expense and inwardly smirked in triumph. The new kid was nothing but trouble, Naruto be damned.

Speaking of Naruto, he had to report back to him.

…

"He's an asshole!"

"Kiba, sweetie, put the superglue away. We're not going to resort to elementary pranks."

"But he's an _asshole!"_

"Don't be so troublesome, I need that for Woodshop."

"I'm going to fucking glue his ass cheeks together during P.E., just wait for it, when I find out when he plays – Ow, ow, ow, geez, Sakura . . ."

Naruto sat beneath the shade of a large oak tree, surrounded by a handful of friends who he watched with amusement as they reported back their findings about the mysterious Sasuke Uchiha. Lunch was just about to end and they were basking in the company of each other before they would have to part ways.

Kiba eyed Sakura cautiously from where she had reached over to swat him across the head and steal the superglue from his hands. Naruto laughed openly. He crossed his arms over his chest.

"He can't be _that_ bad," he said. "Leave the poor kid alone, he's probably pretty scared for a guy that moved countries in his last year of high school. We're like a whole new culture."

"You haven't met him yet, Naruto. He's got some pretty bad vibes," said Sakura. "Kiba and I didn't exactly have the best experiences."

Shikamaru stifled a yawn from where he leaned against Naruto's shoulder. "I have him in Statistics. Didn't hear him say a word. Seems like an okay guy."

"I haven't seen him around yet because of Jiraiya, but I'm going to try by the end of the day. Maybe we can take him out after school," offered Naruto.

"Maybe we can beat him up out back," grumbled Kiba.

"No hurting on the new guy for at least a week, those are the rules."

Naruto pushed Shikamaru none-too-gently from his shoulder and stood up to brush off the stiff grass from his uniform.

"I'll prove it to you guys by the end of the day. No one can be that bad."

…

Rumor of Sasuke's behavior spread like wildfire.

People were already beginning to avoid him after lunch. They turned to stare when he walked down the hallway, but not for the reason he liked. He was growing increasingly angry with every passing stare, setting his expression into a deep glare by the time he entered his AP Biology class.

_Oh fuck me . . . _

Kiba was there.

It felt like a Mexican standoff. Sasuke stood in the doorway, glaring daggers at the boy who was baring his teeth at him from the back of the class. He vaguely imagined himself wearing a cowboy hat, pistol in hand and whistling flute playing the Wild West theme song in the background. Who would shoot first?

Kiba made the first move: he raised his hand in a one-finger salute and looked away, giving Sasuke the opportunity to sit as far away from him as possible.

Just fucking great.

Sasuke wasn't sure how much worse his day could get. His experiment seemed to be failing miserably, and the first school day had barely begun. He was ready to cancel it all, to throw away his research, to return things back to normal. It was starting to be the biggest mistake of his life.

His anger drew his focus away from AP Psychology and AP English, his last two classes of the day. As soon as the last bell rang, he darted out of the classroom so quickly he feared his oversized pants would slip to his ankles.

"Hey! Hey, Uchiha, wait up! Geez, for a chubby guy you sure are fast!"

Sasuke looked over his shoulder at the unfamiliar blond running down the hall. Rather than slow down, he ignored the boy in favor of picking up his pace, silently willing the walls to swallow him whole. He had _almost_ been out of the school doors!

"Oi, I know you can hear me!"

His vision was suddenly assaulted with pops of orange and yellow. Two bright blue eyes blinked at him before they scrunched up and revealed a grin of dazzling white teeth. The blond put his hands on his shoulders to slow him down and Sasuke had to mentally count to ten to stop himself from breaking the fingers on each hand.

"_What?_" he bit out instead.

He pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose; the sudden stop had jarred them loose. And would it kill this kid to _stop fucking smiling in his face?_

"I just . . . wanted to welcome you to Konoha." The blond seemed to deflate a bit, smile still in place but suddenly not as confident at the bite in Sasuke's voice. He stepped back and stuck out one hand. "My name's Naruto."

Sasuke looked at his hand but made no move to return the gesture. "Sasuke," he replied stiffly instead, moving to brush past Naruto. "I'm –"

"The asshole!"

The word stopped Sasuke in his place. He looked back to where Naruto was grinning at him like he had just told the funniest joke in the world.

"Kiba told me," Naruto supplied, still _fucking grinning_. "Said something about Sasuke Uchiha the Asshole. But that's Kiba for you. That buttmunch always rubs people the wrong way, ya know?"

"I haven't the slightest idea why you two are friends," Sasuke sneered with as much sarcasm he could muster. Nonetheless, something gnawed deeply inside of him. _Asshole. _"If I'm so much of an asshole, why bother introducing yourself?"

Naruto clapped him roughly on the shoulder with a loud burst of laughter. Once again, Sasuke's glasses slipped to the edge of his nose.

"You're the first new kid to come to Konoha in _years_, so it can be a little overwhelming, eh? Besides," he waggled his eyebrows at Sasuke, "Kiba isn't the best judge of character. And you don't _seem_ like an asshole."

Sasuke wasn't sure what it was that guided him next. He wasn't sure if it was Naruto's know-better attitude, his ridiculously bright color palette, or the gutting insult thrown around so innocently. Whatever it was, he found him jerking his shoulder out of Naruto's grip and slapping the boy's hand away with a curl of his lip. He turned to leave him behind.

"It seems," he called over his shoulder without a second glance, "you were wrong."

_Asshole, asshole, asshole_ rang in his ears.

Naruto narrowed his eyes at the retreating figure. He went through several different emotions instantly: confusion, hurt, anger, understanding, and finally a stab of mischief. So the Uchiha wanted to try and make an enemy out of everyone he came across? He wanted to be the school jerk?

Okay then, thought Naruto. He would play his game.

He was going to smack Sasuke Uchiha with so much love and kindness, the boy wouldn't know what hit him.


	2. Literature Review

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Thank you to my readers and reviewers for my first chapter! This chapter delves into the backstory much more and will hopefully answer any questions you may have. Happy reading, and please review!

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**Chapter Two**

…**:::Literature Review:::…**

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**July – Three months earlier**

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The first time Itachi concluded his brother was probably an asshole was a sunny summer afternoon.

Granted, the elder Uchiha had had years of guesswork, from the time Sasuke first kicked him in the shin for not agreeing to play at age four all the way to the time Sasuke slammed the door in the face of the mailman for ringing the doorbell at the ripe hour of five in the morning. Could he call it grumpiness? Probably. There were other little factors into Itachi's theory, however, that pointed to his dear little brother just not being very likeable.

Like today.

The welcome mat at the foot of the door was well worn and matted with clumps of dirt. Itachi wiped his dress shoes on them, carelessly adding more dirt to the growing family as he stabbed his key into the keyhole of the door. _Finally_, he thought when the smells of spices hit him the second he entered the apartment, _the week was over_. He slipped off his shoes, toed them into a neat corner beside a pair of sneakers, and stretched his way into the kitchen. The waft of spices hit him dead-on. He spotted Sasuke.

"I'm home," he said with a lazy smile. He dropped his suitcase on an empty chair and sidled next to his younger brother.

"Welcome home," came the automatic reply.

Itachi paused for a moment. Sasuke had undressed into sweatpants and a t-shirt, a far cry from his usual school uniform. Meaning Sasuke had no intention of going out.

On a Friday.

In the summer.

". . . You're not going out?"

Sasuke turned from the steaming pots and pans at the sound of confusion in his brother's voice. He cocked a groomed eyebrow. "No? Should I?"

"It's Friday."

". . . So?"

"Summer."

". . . And?" Sasuke failed to make any sort of correlation.

Itachi leaned over the boiling pot of whatever-it-was and dipped his finger experimentally. "For a psychology fanatic, you're terrible in the sociocultural department." He licked the scarlet sauce from his finger. Tomato soup. Typical.

_Thwack!_

Itachi looked up from his reddening hand to see Sasuke wagging a wooden spoon right in his face. "Touch my food with your unwashed fingers _one more time_," the younger Uchiha warned, eyebrows drawn, "and I will cut you." Beads of sweat were forming in the new crease between his eyebrows from the heat of the boiling pots in the summer air.

"Touchy." Itachi sat, leaning against the chair. He and Sasuke regularly rotated cooking duty but seeing his seventeen-year-old brother slaving over a hot stove on a sunny summer Friday afternoon when he could have been living his life made his stomach stir oddly. "Shouldn't you be hanging out with your friends?" He _did_ have friends, right? Itachi frowned, vaguely remembering some faceless boys and girls hanging around his younger brother.

Sasuke wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. "They called, but I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"Because they're irritating."

"But they're your friends?"

"What's your point?"

Itachi sighed. "Why they're your friends, I will never know."

Sasuke licked the remnants of tomato soup from his stirring spoon, suddenly deep in thought. They were his friends because he was Sasuke Uchiha, a rather likeable guy if he must say so himself. Who _didn't_ want to be his friend?

Right?

Right, he convinced himself, resuming his stirring.

…

Itachi had first hypothesized there was something unusual about his brother from the very first time Sasuke had had to socialize with others outside of his immediate family.

The youngest Uchiha had been four years old. There had been a family gathering at their house in Kumogakure, aunts and uncles and grandparents galore. Sasuke had hid himself behind Itachi for the entire gathering, far too shy at four years old to communicate with anyone with more than a bashful smile and nod of greeting until Fugaku, their father, had grabbed hold of his arm and pulled him aside. Itachi remembered the deafening lecture that resounded throughout the entire house even with closed doors. Stilled silence had washed over the guests until Fugaku's voice faded away.

"You must be a _man_," his father concluded through clenched teeth. "I will not have a child of mine hide from anyone. You are of the elite, Sasuke. You must carry yourself with pride."

Sasuke's bashful smiles and nods of greetings transformed into looks of indifference from that moment on. Itachi frowned, watching his younger brother stare at his cousins from lidded eyes. He was far too young to lose his childish mannerisms.

When Sasuke was six, he started kindergarten. Itachi was in sixth grade and wildly protective of him. At home, Sasuke followed Itachi around and giggled and joked and skipped like any six-year-old unless his father was in the vicinity. At school, however, Sasuke regularly received complaints due to his lack of interaction with the other students.

"He's a well-behaved, brilliant child," his teachers would all say. "But he doesn't make any friends."

Fugaku had scoffed. What need was there for friends when his prodigy of a child was exceeding at every subject? There was nothing wrong with his son.

Mikoto had taken Sasuke into her lap on more than one occasion, stroking his hair softly, humming nursery songs as she tickled him under his arms. He would writhe and laugh until his porcelain cheeks reddened.

"Sasuke, my love," she would say. Itachi loved being around her then. He loved sitting on the steps of the garden with them, throwing rocks into the pond, hearing his mother's tinkling laughter in his ears. "Why aren't you making friends?"

"No one wants to be friends with me," he would say with a childish pout. "So I don't want to be friends with them."

That had taken Mikoto by surprise. "No one at all? Impossible! You're the best friend anyone could have!" But she knew – and Itachi knew – that their father's influence had taken its toll on his behavior. She tried to deduce what Sasuke was doing wrong but the mix of his inherited shyness and internal struggle would have to be unlearnt. Sasuke promised he'd try harder. Itachi silently promised he'd help.

Three years later, when Itachi was fourteen and Sasuke was nine, their parents passed away tragically.

Arson.

Itachi had been old enough to understand that their family was very wealthy and their business was even wealthier. He and Sasuke had come home from camp to the ruins of their house. Someone had tried to bring the business to its knees by ridding it of every possible owner but had not done their research properly. All across the country came the news of Uchiha houses burnt to crisps, aunts and uncles and grandparents galore dying fiery deaths.

Itachi and Sasuke had no one.

Police came, followed by a mandated hush of the media. The name Uchiha was meticulously scrubbed from history. Its surviving two brothers were paraded from one station to the other, placed in witness protection care, temporary housing, for months on end until the perpetrators were caught: the sons of the only other competing business who had wanted to put an end to the Uchiha monopoly once and for all. Without a CEO of age, however, it seemed like their arson efforts had not been in vain. Itachi was too young to inherit the company and all other possible associates were dead. Itachi and Sasuke would be placed in the care of social services until Itachi would come of age.

Until Hatake Kakashi came along, that is.

The silver-haired man had long been a friend of the Uchiha family. Fugaku had despised him for his prominence in Uchiha affairs despite not being an Uchiha himself and so Itachi and Sasuke had never had the opportunity to get to know him well. He had, however, been best friends with Obito Uchiha and had mourned his loss. When he had heard of Itachi and Sasuke as the only survivors, he felt an urge to see them.

At 21, Kakashi had no intention of becoming a father. Itachi, however, was too intelligent for his age. He had struck a deal with Kakashi: become their official caretaker purely on paper for four years and the temporary face of Uchiha Corporation until Itachi could come of age. They would be out of Kakashi's unusually-colored hair and Itachi could become Sasuke's legal guardian as soon as he hit eighteen. Until then, there was no way Itachi would forfeit the corporation _and_ allow himself to be handled by social services.

Kakashi had agreed for two reasons. One: the overwhelming empathy he had for the distraught sole survivors of the Uchiha family and his best friend's relatives. Two: the entire lack of responsibility. Kakashi would simply be living with them. The bachelor, having lost his mother at birth and his father to suicide, had nothing to lose. He didn't even need to bring in money – the corporation provided sufficiently. Itachi, who had been born and bred to take over the corporation, would handle the basics at just fourteen years old. All Kakashi would do was provide a legal signature.

The arrangement worked smoothly.

Kakashi's stoic personality meshed well with theirs. He took to Itachi extremely easily. The two formed a bond of mutual understanding, often seeking out the company of each other when they did not have to. It took Sasuke a lot longer, understandably. Rather than seeking comfort from his brother and their new guardian, Sasuke only withdrew more and more. His shyness around people changed into complete dismissal. His grades did not plummet but his interactions did. It was home, school, school, home. He would not give Kakashi the light of day. He barely gave Itachi the light of day. It took a long, long time for him to become even a shadow of what he had been when he was home.

Three years later, Sasuke had finally taken to Kakashi. Respect for the older man had grown slowly. Sasuke thought of Kakashi as a new pet that Itachi had brought in uninvited. He had to test the pet, see its behavior, and determine if he wanted to keep it. He would often look over at Kakashi when the two were in the same room; the silver-haired man would waggle his eyebrows back at him playfully. At first, it would set Sasuke's temper off and he would leave the room. Later, it would just garner a simple eye-roll. Now, the eye-roll was complete with a smirk at the older man's antics. The evolution had happened slowly, but it had happened.

When Itachi turned eighteen (Sasuke, thirteen), their lives changed drastically. Itachi became the official CEO of Uchiha Corporation after Kakashi had voluntarily stepped down. However, Itachi asked Kakashi to remain as his right-hand man, to which the older man accepted with honor. Several trusted employees were sent up the ladder, several new ones were hired, and Itachi was suddenly in a suit on the daily.

Kakashi had packed his bags the day before Itachi's birthday, prepared to move out. It was Sasuke who had looked at the man in confusion.

"Where are you going?" he had asked.

"Itachi is turning eighteen tomorrow. You guys won't need an old bag of bones like me hanging around here anymore," Kakashi had reminded him, his eyes closing in halfhearted humor.

"Don't be stupid. Put those bags down." Sasuke had swatted at the man's hair playfully and his lips had teased at a smile. "You're family."

Something had pulled at Kakashi's heartstrings to hear the youngest Uchiha declare him family. He had dropped one of his bags to the floor.

"Come here and give me a big ol' hug," he said dramatically, arms wide open as he chased after Sasuke's reluctant figure.

"Of course!" Sasuke had said when Kakashi finally caught him in a bone-crushing embrace. "Who else is going to make dinner when Itachi isn't around?"

Kakashi had deftly transformed the hug into a headlock after that.

Years passed. Itachi and Kakashi grew busier. Sasuke grew more relaxed at home. He joked and he laughed, he helped Kakashi with work and he helped Itachi with life. Over time, he joined music clubs and sports teams. He won competitions and went off on trips and camps.

Never once, Itachi noticed, did he bring a friend home.

When Sasuke was fifteen, Itachi chose to comment on it at the breakfast table. Kakashi was at the stove flipping an omelet as Sasuke diced tomatoes. Itachi refused maids and chefs despite the growing wealth of the Uchiha Corporation. Not only did he not want to risk spoiling himself and his brother, he did not want to risk strangers coming into his house and exposing their long-dead history.

"Sasuke, why don't I ever hear you talk about your friends?" Itachi had commented, hoping to sound nonchalant. "Do you have any friends?"

"I do at school," his brother replied normally. He tossed a few tomatoes into the omelet Kakashi had been about to flip. "We hang out at school but they never want to do anything else."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow at that. "Do you ask them out?"

"A few times. Casual lunch and all that. They ask to see the house all the time but what if I want them to leave? I can't just kick them out." Sasuke sat at the breakfast table and poured himself a glass of orange juice. "I don't really ask them to be friends. They just sort of show up. We play sports together and eat together and stuff. But that's about it. Why? Am I supposed to do more with them?"

Itachi snorted into his own glass of orange juice. "Do you understand what friendship is?"

"Sure I do. Someone you hang out with. I hang out with them at school."

Kakashi poked Sasuke in the ribs with one hand as he turned from the stove, omelet on a porcelain plate in his other hand. "You and I are friends. We do more than just hang out at school."

"You're family, silly," said Sasuke. "That's different."

Kakashi was unsure if he should feel honored or concerned. He ruffled Sasuke's hair and said, "You need some good friends, Sasuke. Someone you're going to miss if you leave them. You can't live your life alone like this."

Sasuke stared at him strangely. "But I'm not alone."

"You'll know what I mean when you find it."

At the end of the next school year, Sasuke came home after soccer practice to find Itachi and Kakashi sitting at the dinner table, papers strewn in front of them, deep in conversation. When Sasuke walked through the door, Itachi turned to stare at him and said, "Ah, man of the hour!"

Sasuke narrowed his eyes suspiciously and placed his bag on the floor by the door. He kicked off his shoes and walked in slowly, trying to deduce the situation. Itachi seemed to want to say something. He was never home so early.

"There isn't really a way to say this easily," Itachi began with a shrug of his shoulders. "We're moving this summer."

Sasuke raised his eyebrow. "Um, okay?"

There was silence in the room for a few moments. Itachi turned, confused, to Kakashi, who raised his eyebrows and shrugged in reply. When Itachi returned his stare to Sasuke, his eyes were narrowed. ". . . That's it? Just okay?"

"What else do you want me to say?"

The youngest Uchiha made himself busy, taking off his sweaty jersey and standing beneath the air conditioner to air his naked chest out. Kakashi pulled him away from the cold vapors and shooed him in a motherly manner, warning him about a cold, before standing with his hands on his hips.

"You're not sad?" he asked. "You're not broken up about leaving your school behind? Your clubs? Your friends? Sasuke, you're turning seventeen. You're not supposed to be this calm and accepting about moving towns."

Sasuke, in turn, looked slightly perplexed. "Why not?"

"What about your friends?"

"What _about_ my friends?"

Itachi frowned then, finally understanding what years of guesswork had led up to. "Sasuke, aren't you going to miss your friends? Weren't they important to you?"

The younger Uchiha dwelled on the matter with a frown and a glance at the ceiling. "No? They're just friends. I can make new ones pretty easily. I'll tell my current friends tomorrow and let the clubs know I'm quitting. Why are we moving? And to where?"

Itachi grew concerned. "You seem like you don't really care about being here. You don't have _any_ attachments to this place?"

"Are you sure you're not an asshole in school and no one likes you?" Kakashi asked, only half joking.

Sasuke threw his hands up in exasperation. "You guys act like this friendship thing is the most important thing in the world. Yeah, I'll miss hanging out with some people, but I'm not going to die because of it. Friends come and go. They were cool to hang out with, but they came really easily. I'm sure they'll come easily wherever we're going – if someone would be so nice as to actually tell me _where that is_?"

Itachi sighed. He looked at Sasuke, at the teenager who had once been a giggling and shy little boy who hid behind his legs when they met new people, and wondered what he was like in the real world. Was his playful little brother still stoic and abrupt with people he met? Was he rude? Was he shy? Itachi, slaving away at the corporation for most of the day, had no experience to know.

"Konohagakure," he finally said, pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose. "Three countries over. I'm trying to open up a new branch of the business there so I need to be present."

Sasuke nodded, pleased. Konoha actually had _four_ seasons instead of Kumogakure's constant clouds. He'd seen pictures from some of his class projects of lakes and cliffs. Perhaps it would warrant for more scenic morning runs.

"Is Kakashi coming with us?" he asked as he turned to the silver-haired man.

Kakashi frowned. "I'm afraid not. I'm going to take over the main branch here until you guys set something up over there. Then we'll see who will go where in terms of management."

Sasuke mimicked his frown, his eyebrows furrowing. He leaned over until his forehead rested on Kakashi's shoulder. "You guys are so busy talking about me missing friends. I'll miss _you_. That's what's important." He let Kakashi ruffle his hair once more and rub his hands comfortingly across his back. "It's not going to be the same without you." Then, to Itachi, he asked, "Are we going to be away for long? Will we come back and visit?"

"We'll be away for a year at least, maybe two. After that, we might move again. You'll be off to college so it shouldn't make a difference by then. And Kakashi is going to visit us a lot, won't he?"

At this, Kakashi gave a thumbs up. "As long as you guys are paying."

They prepared dinner together for the first time in a while. Sasuke felt a pang of sadness in his chest whenever he looked over to Kakashi. They had been together for seven years; Sasuke himself had only been with his parents for nine. Kakashi was family. He was leaving part of his family behind again.

Kakashi took notice of the cloud of darkness looming over the youngest Uchiha's head and did his best to dissipate it. It had taken years but he and Sasuke had finally formed a bond that worked for them. He loved the boy like a son, even if their relationship was never quite as serious as a father-son dynamic. And as his guardian, he feared for Sasuke's wellbeing.

"Why don't you have a going-away party?" he said as they tucked into their plates of roast beef.

He received two sets of raised eyebrows and rolled his eyes at both Uchihas.

"I'm serious. Our house is more than accommodating and you're a sixteen-year-old prize! Invite your friends over. It'll save the hassle of having to tell all of them goodbye since you've apparently got _so many_," he teased.

"I like it," Itachi encouraged. "Kakashi and I will even be out of your hair. We'll leave the house to you until midnight. Granted, you will be held responsible. That means no drinking. No drugs."

Sasuke divided his uneasy stare between the two of them. "You're willingly asking me to host a party here?" He waved at the expanse that was the Uchiha estate. "_Here?_" he said again, just to make sure.

When Kakashi and Itachi both nodded, he shrugged nonchalantly.

"Fine. We'll see if people even make it."

…

People made it.

All 100 of them.

Sasuke had returned to school and invited the small group of "friends" he often saw at lunch, as well as his members of the soccer team. They casually asked if they could invite his other acquaintances as well, to which he shrugged his shoulders and said sure.

Friends and acquaintances and friends of friends and acquaintances of acquaintances added up to one hundred people entering the Uchiha estate the next Friday night. It was a scene to make a bachelor party envious. Sasuke could not control who entered the house. Girls – scantily clad, overdressed, and underdressed alike – swung their hips to the beat of dance music that blared on speakers Sasuke did not even know he owned as boys – overdressed, slurred speech, and hormones raging – took their hands or tried to chat them up in hallways and corridors by rooms Sasuke had never ventured into himself. People were in the pool, on the balconies, in the kitchen, on the couches, and – to Sasuke's unawareness – in bedrooms. They spilled into hallways as they spilled their drinks.

Sasuke had no control.

He did not like having no control.

He had been entirely flattered at first as the first wave of people entered his house around nine p.m. He had greeted them at the door dressed smartly in a pair of straight-legged black jeans and a white button-down dress shirt, his hair neatly styled and his smile sparkling. The first few girls had taken his hand and guided him to the couch where they fawned and cooed over him, telling him how much they'd miss him. That allowed the boys that had come with them to set up the entertainment in the kitchen – namely punch. Mystery punch.

Spiked punch.

Sasuke hated punch. He hated juice in general, believing it to be overly sweet, and so he had never had the opportunity to realize that the _punch_ behind the drink was the pungent flavor of vodka. Instead, girls and guys alike dragged him from one room to another. He never had another chance to greet anyone else at the door. The next waves of teenagers entered on their own volition, some with more drinks, some with more girls, everyone with an attitude that this was the party to end the school year.

"Sasuke, you can't leave without swimming with me!"

Sasuke turned to Samui, a blonde he had met last year who consistently paraded him through the halls of their high school. She had taken off her top to reveal her bikini underneath and was sliding off her shorts by the pool.

She winked at him. "I can give you a night to remember."

He smirked and shook his head teasingly at her in response, his spirits high from the overwhelming response at his departure. The blaring music made his heart beat steadily to the _thud, thud, thud_ of the base.

Samui pouted and pulled at his hand. "But Sasu_ke_," she whined, jumping up and down so her breasts would dance with her. "You're the hottest guy in the school! Let me cool you off." She bit at her lip. Sasuke raised his eyebrow and swatted her hand away, the game officially over to him.

"Samui, I'm not here for just you."

He left her standing in disbelief, turning to enter the house. Ryo, one of his other close friends, stood by the sliding glass door with two drinks in his hand and a gaggle of girls. His cheeks were stained pink, his eyes slightly unfocused. Sasuke did not notice.

"Lighten up, Sasuke!" he exclaimed, pushing one of the drinks to the Uchiha. "We're here to have some fun before you leave! Your house is _amazing_."

Sasuke grunted his thanks but turned the drink down, pushing further into the house. He was growing tired of people pushing and pulling at him. He never made it long enough without a girl pulling at his hand, beckoning him to a bedroom or grazing his chest in feigned accidence.

He felt his head beginning to throb at the music, passing girls and boys gyrating on each other to finally enter the kitchen. He put his head in his hands on the kitchen island. A girl and a boy he did not know scooted off the counter from where they were making out and exited the room.

Ryo returned, and with him Karui from his classes and Omoi from the soccer team.

"We're setting up a game of truth or dare," said Karui, drink in hand. "As the host, you _have_ to play with us!"

Sasuke shook his head. He was not into games, especially not truth or dare. "I'll pass."

"Don't be silly, Sasuke." Omoi pushed against him, forcing him out of the kitchen. He was slurring his words. That, Sasuke took note of. He narrowed his eyes but before he could say anything, Omoi continued to push. "Anyway, don't you want to make sure things don't get too out of hand at your own party? We know how much a square like you loves control."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sasuke barked, wrenching his arm from Omoi's pushes. He didn't like being ordered around.

Karui grabbed him gently instead, leading him in. She patted him lightly on the ass in encouragement. "He's saying that we're all gathered together for one last game. We're going to miss you, love. Don't you want to play with us this last time?"

Sasuke allowed himself to be led to the patio by the pool where a majority of the partygoers had seated themselves in a sloppy circle. People were on the floor, in lawn chairs, in laps, on pool floaties, and just about anything that could be used as a chair. In the center was a single bottle.

Ryo sat down on the floor and tugged on Sasuke's shirt to yank him down next to him, spilling some of the punch on Sasuke's pants to the Uchiha's displeasure. Sasuke was beginning to like his party less and less. He glanced at the time on his phone. 10:42. In an hour and 18 minutes, Itachi and Kakashi would return to the house quietly to indicate to Sasuke that it was time to end the party. Sasuke was grateful.

It was Karui who clapped her hands together to signal the beginning of the game. "All right, ladies and gentlemen! Let's get this party _really_ started!"

To that everyone cheered, some raising their drinks to Karui and then chugging back the contents. Sasuke's upper lip curled involuntarily. He did not want to play.

"Rules of the night! I'll start the first spin. Whoever it lands on is the first victim! Then we'll take it from there. If you refuse to do either your truth or dare, you have to streak around the whole house!" That received even more cheers and a sole eye-roll from Sasuke.

Karui spun the bottle, beginning what would be the longest night of Sasuke's life. Sasuke tried to sidle backwards, out of the circle, to lessen the chance of the bottle landing on him and, if he was lucky, completely out of the game. The first spin landed on a girl he did not know. She was asked to make out with the girl to her left, to which the boys all cheered. Sasuke rolled his eyes at the typical teenager entertainment. He was counting down the minutes in his head.

Spin after spin never landed on him to his gratefulness. Karui had introduced a new rule: if you chose dare, you were allowed to complete the dare to leave the game. Sasuke watched girl after girl choose truth, but guy after guy choose dare, complete it, and leave the circle. It was beginning to become just Sasuke, many girls, and a few guys. He was not liking the situation.

Dares were stupid, Sasuke thought. Flash the circle. Pull off a belt with your teeth. Skinny dip. Chug the punch. Cannonball in the pool. Was this what high school gatherings were like? Is this what Itachi and Kakashi believed Sasuke had been missing out on this whole time? Because Sasuke did not feel like he had missed out on much if the night was anything to go by.

Caught up in his thoughts, Sasuke did not realize the bottle had landed on him. It had been Samui who had spun the bottle. The girls around her groaned; for what reason, Sasuke could not tell. Samui stood up in delight, raising her hands in triumph.

"Sasuke!" she exclaimed loudly, turning her blue eyes to him. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth," Sasuke said easily. There was no way he was going to perform anything silly in front of what seemed like the entire school. Samui seemed deflated at his response. A few girls even blurted out, "Ha!"

Samui crossed her arms and smirked at him. "Who here would you like to make out with the most?"

Sasuke raised his eyebrow at her. "No one," he said without a second glance at the circle. He made sure it was loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Negated response!" Karui said quickly. "Against the rules! By default, now you have to pick dare!"

"What the hell kind of rule is that?" Sasuke snapped back at her, but people were already beginning to nod their heads around him, some voicing agreement. What kind of game were they playing at? He crossed his arm stiffly over his chest. If he completed the dare, he would be out of the game and could go sulk in his room until midnight, he thought. Even if he did not like the dare, he could declare the party over and force everyone to leave. To hell with these people, he was moving anyway.

"Fine," he said at last. "Dare."

Samui squealed in delight. "I dare you to take me with you to your room alone for ten minutes!"

_Oh_, Sasuke thought. She thought he would sleep with her. He smirked. She never specified sleeping with her. She just asked him to take her to his room. He would show her what kind of game _he _played. He stood up and watched her sway unsteadily on her feet to follow him. "Sure," he said. "Easy."

He saw some people stare at him in disbelief. Sasuke Uchiha agreeing to the dare so easily? Some people cheered the two on. As Samui hopped between people to finally reach Sasuke in a half-stumble, their names had turned into a chant. "Sasu-ke! Sa-mu-i! Sasu-ke! Sa-mu-i!"

Sasuke had intended to merely lead Samui to his room but she latched onto his arm, giggling loudly in his ear as she awkwardly leaned her head on his shoulder and attempted to walk at his side. Her breath reeked of alcohol. Itachi would not be pleased, Sasuke thought. He had to make sure it was all gone and the house was air-freshened before his guardians returned home.

Walking up the stairs with what Sasuke quickly deduced was a very drunk Samui was a feat in itself. Some of the partygoers had followed them into the house to make sure Sasuke was actually going through with the dare. Others were exiting rooms and bathrooms, oblivious to the game that had been going on outside. With far more effort than Sasuke had liked, they finally reached the door of his room. He glanced over Samui's shoulder to the people who had gathered at the end of the hall, smirked dramatically, and entered the room. As he locked the door behind them, he heard cheering and a few breathy utters of _"Lucky"_.

Samui immediately began to pull Sasuke to his bed, her wide eyes scanning the rather bare room. "Everyone believed you were asexual, especially since you turned me down at the pool!" she exclaimed in a fit of giggles as she sat on the edge of his bed and pulled his hand closer. "But I finally got you! You're all mine before you leave!"

Sasuke swatted her hand away much like he had done before, her comments only annoying him further. He turned the chair of his desk around and sat in it, facing Samui on the bed. "The dare was to just bring you to my room for ten minutes," he said flatly, not caring if it furthered the false rumors of his sexuality. "You never said I had to sleep with you."

At his words, Samui's eyes darkened. She stood from the bed and stumbled her way over to where Sasuke sat. His eyes were leveled with her breasts and she pushed them against him as she straddled him on his chair with one leg. "You're turning down sex with me?" she slurred. "Seriously?"

Sasuke gently pushed her leg off of him. "I'm turning down sex with a very drunk friend, yes. You should get some rest. I'll wake you up when the party is over."

Samui scoffed. "Friend? _Friend?"_ She laughed. "You think I'm your _friend_?"

Sasuke stared at her, somewhat taken aback. Confusion knitted his eyebrows together. "Are we not friends? Did you have too much to drink?"

"Oh my _God!"_ Samui giggled in delight, spinning around before landing on the bed and letting out a fit of laughs. "How _adorable!_" She sat up and stared at Sasuke, eyes slightly unfocused but her speech seemingly sober. "You think anyone wants to be friends with an uptight asshole like you?"

Sasuke still did not understand. Was she pranking him? Was this revenge for him turning her down twice in one night? He stood up from his chair, arms crossed over his chest. "What do you mean?"

Samui laughed in his face. "No one is your friend, you heartless bastard."

"All of my friends showed up today to say goodbye. You can't fool me." He turned to leave. "I'm sorry I didn't want to take advantage of you while you're drunk. Get some rest, Samui."

She moved off the bed to grab his arm. When he turned to her she had a wide grin on her face, relishing in his confusion as if she knew the biggest secret in the world. "Sasuke Uchiha thinks he's Mr. Popular because we all love him and bow down to him?" she said slyly, guiding him back to the bed.

He complied purely to provoke her into spilling what she had to say. She sat back on the bed again, wrapping her legs around his thighs and walking her fingers up his chest playfully.

"We came to this party for two reasons. One," she held up one finger to his lips, "because we know how filthy rich you are. We knew this would be the perfect opportunity to throw the party of the century and you would be paying for all of it. Your house is the best house we can access in all of Kumogakure. And two," she put her hand to the back of his head, "there was a school-wide competition of who would get to sleep with the hottest guy in all of Konoha tonight. And _I_ won."

She pushed his face towards hers to catch him in a kiss but he turned away at the last second, bumping his forehead into her teeth. Taking her surprise to his advantage, he pushed on her chest to separate them and stumbled back, mouth open in disbelief.

"I don't believe you," he said breathlessly. "We hung out at school all the time. We ate lunch together. Almost everyone here. We're friends. I don't believe you. You've had too much to drink."

Samui wiped at her mouth and glared at him, completely sober. "You're fucking gorgeous _and_ rich," she said. "You're the most prized lay in the whole fucking country. Rumor is you're even still a virgin. Of _course_ we wanted to hang around you. Whoever was in your circle was automatically the cream of the crop. They were elevated to fame. You think we actually like you for your fucking personality?" She pointed to herself. "You treat me like shit. You're standoffish and posh and think you're better than everybody. You ignore us half the time. You brush us off the other half. And would it kill you to fucking _smile_ instead of that fucking smirk of yours? You think we like you because you're _you?_"

She laughed and stood up on the bed, beginning to jump on it. It creaked beneath her weight. With a smirk to rival Sasuke's, she began to moan.

"_Oh, Sasuke!"_ she moaned loudly, jumping on the bed. "_Yes, harder!"_

"What the fuck are you doing?"

He lunged at her to try to knock her off the bed but she jumped around his hands, the headboard slamming against the wall. "Just like that, Sasuke!" she continued to moan. "Harder! Harder! _Oh_!"

She still wore her bikini so there was nothing for Sasuke to pull on to bring her back to the ground. He pushed into her knees from behind so they buckled and the two of them toppled to the bed in a mess of limbs.

"I'm going to tell everyone we had sex," she whispered to him, blue eyes alight in wicked mirth, her face just hovering next to his so that he could smell the alcohol on her breath.

"They're never going to believe you," Sasuke bit back.

Samui crawled over him and slid off of the bed. She slipped one of her bikini straps off of her shoulder and pushed down one side of her bottoms so they were slightly askew. Smiling at Sasuke, she ruffled her hair.

"They're _my_ friends."

With that, she turned on her heels and left the room.

Sasuke stared after her in disbelief, his heart heavy in his chest. He heard the house outside erupt in raucous cheers, the voices meshed together so he could understand nothing of what anyone was saying. Random phrases cut through, asking her how it was, how good he was in bed, what it was like. It was Samui's voice moments later that cut through the noise.

"Uchiha thought we were _really_ friends!"

The crowd cheered again, this time coupled with laughter. Sasuke's heart plummeted to his stomach. His fists clenched the bed sheets that lay in ruins around him. They were never his friends. Years of fooling him. They thought he was an asshole? They thought he was rude? Mean? A pretty face with no personality to back it up?

Did Itachi and Kakashi think that way?

Itachi and Kakashi. Sasuke looked to the clock in his room. It was almost midnight. Outside, he could hear the music still blaring and the crowd gave no sign of lessening. Sasuke knew the whole house reeked of alcohol. He knew he would be grounded for the whole summer and never trusted again if he let Itachi and Kakashi walk in on the party like this. They would end it themselves for sure and force everyone out.

But in that moment, Sasuke did not care. He sank to his bed, his heart flopping limply in his chest. His throat was closing and he had difficulty swallowing. People did not like him. No one liked him. A pretty face with a lot of money. He didn't think it would hurt this much, but it did. He didn't think he would care about what they thought, but he did.

He rested his head against his pillow, staring at the door that stood ajar and realizing no one was coming in to ask him if he was all right.

It hurt.

…

Sasuke knew it was midnight when he heard Kakashi yelling.

His voice became distinct as soon as the music was cut. "All right!" he shouted. "Everybody _out_! Take your damn trash with you! Where the hell is Sasuke?"

Sasuke could tell he was angry. Sasuke also did not care. He heard footsteps on the marble staircase and soon felt someone standing in the doorway, staring at him. Kakashi was still yelling for people to hurry up and move faster from elsewhere in the house and so Sasuke could only assume it was Itachi who was staring silently at him, most probably seething in anger.

"_What_ did I tell you about alcohol?"

Definitely Itachi. Definitely angry.

When Sasuke did not respond, Itachi walked over to sit on the edge of the bed. Coming closer, the light of the room revealed Sasuke's red-rimmed eyes. Itachi put his hand on Sasuke's forehead.

"Are you drunk?" he asked first, the edge in his voice telling Sasuke he was ready to give the biggest lecture of his life.

Sasuke turned his eyes to stare at him pointedly, asking him silently if he would be so stupid as to disobey his own rules. Itachi felt the tension in the air. The house was quieting down as Kakashi forced everyone out.

"What's wrong?" Itachi finally asked, brushing aside Sasuke's hair and the anger from before dissipating. His brother wasn't behaving like himself. "Did something happen at the party?"

Sasuke pushed himself off of the bed, his head down to hide his eyes. He stood up and moved to the door. "When are we leaving Kumogakure?"

"Next month."

"Good."

He left to clean up the mess he had created in the house.

Kakashi was at the foot of the stairs having been about to come up to berate Sasuke. He noticed the little storm cloud hanging over him and Itachi trying to meet his eyes from over Sasuke's shoulders.

"What's wrong?" he asked as Sasuke pushed past him. He stared at Itachi for the answer but the eldest Uchiha could only shrug helplessly.

…

Sasuke all but disappeared from the house for the next month.

With school over, he had nowhere else to go. He stayed in his room from the moment he woke up to the moment he slept, packing his things or otherwise passing the time by doing nothing. It had taken him the whole night and the following morning of the party to finish cleaning the havoc that the teenagers had wreaked. Itachi and Kakashi had believed it to be punishment enough for Sasuke disobeying orders. It wasn't until several days later that Kakashi had managed to get Sasuke to tell him that the alcohol had been snuck into the house.

The older men felt helpless. Sasuke's mood had changed entirely. He no longer wanted to speak, he barely ate, and he stayed in his room for hours on end. Prying from Itachi had received no positive results. Prying from Kakashi had received even less.

"Do you think he's finally upset about moving?" Kakashi asked the week before Itachi and Sasuke were set to leave. Itachi sat at the kitchen table; Kakashi was leaning against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest. "That he realized it at the party when all his friends came?"

Itachi shook his head. Instinct told him otherwise. "Something happened at the party. Maybe some true colors were revealed. Whatever it was, he seems really hurt over it. I'm worried."

"He'll get over it when you move."

"No, I'm worried it'll carry over when he moves." Itachi had barely eaten himself. The stress of the move was taking its toll on him. There were finances to sort out and tickets had only just been booked and what of Sasuke's new school? "It'll be a whole new country. A whole new city with new people. Sasuke will have every opportunity to reinvent himself or learn from past mistakes but what if he just withdraws because of this? What if he gives up on people altogether? He's far too young to be alone in life."

Kakashi pushed himself from the kitchen counter and slung an arm around Itachi's shoulder as he took a seat next to him. He nudged him lightly, trying to smile.

"You've got to give the kid a little more credit than that," he said softly. "He's a genius. He'll learn. It'll all fall into place. Stop worrying so much."

Kakashi was right about something: Sasuke would learn.

Upstairs in his room, Sasuke stood before his bathroom mirror. The glass was fogged from the heat of the long shower he had taken. It had been a long day – one final day of packing and making sure he was ready to leave Kumogakure behind entirely. He had stripped his entire room bare after the party, the sheets from his bed washed (twice) and folded away for storage.

There was no getting Samui's pseudo sex out of his mind. He vaguely wondered what she had said about him. Had he been good at the fake sex? Would the school still believe he was asexual?

How had he not been aware of the rumors about him?

Why had no one told him anything? Why had no one stepped up and told him hey, Sasuke, you're being a jerk. People don't like you. People think you're gorgeous but not good. They thing you're rich in money but not rich in personality.

Why had no one cared enough about him to warn him?

He clenched his fists from where they braced him on his bathroom sink and stared at the fogged mirror. Would the same thing happen in Konoha? Would people recognize the Uchiha name? Would they see a pretty face and latch onto it?

Could he ever really explore the side of himself that did not depend on his wealth and looks?

Was there more to Sasuke Uchiha than his money? Than his physical features?

Sasuke had dwelt on those questions every waking moment since his confrontation with Samui. Who was he? Who was he _really?_ Would people still want to be around him if he was just plain, average-looking, middle class Sasuke Uchiha? Thinking about starting over in Konoha both exhilarated and terrified him.

So he decided he would change.

He wiped his hand across the steam-streaked mirror, leaving a messy line of clear reflection that he looked into quickly before the temperature of the room began to fog it once more. He would change his appearance from head to toe, he decided. For Konoha. No one would know what he really looked like. No one would know the Uchiha name.

It couldn't be too hard, could it?

He started with his hair.

He reached up to hold a lock of damp obsidian. It did not take very long to grow, but he felt reluctant to have it cut. He could always tame it with gel, style it when he left the house so Itachi would not see. It could add on to his new determination to become as different as possible. Sure. No need for cutting. Besides, at least he wouldn't be attracting attention from his brother by cutting it.

His face would have to go, too.

Sasuke prided himself in his skin. Weekly regimens of facial care and a lack of facial hair whatsoever gave him his smooth porcelain shine. It would need to disappear. He lamented, suddenly hesitant. He would have to stop exfoliating and moisturizing for one thing. That would mean he'd be vulnerable to acne. Could he change his skin tone, too? He could buy make-up in different tones and smear it over himself. That would work. He could ruffle his eyebrows as well. No more meticulous grooming.

There was, he thought in disappointment, no getting rid of his jawline though. There was no way he would willingly gain weight or cease his strict workout schedule. He could change the definition of his nose with some contouring videos he'd seen go viral online, but his jawline would have to stay.

Speaking of weight, Sasuke stared at his bare, flat stomach. He would have to buy a whole new wardrobe – none of the business casual attire he often wore, nothing that fit or flattered him perfectly. Everything would have to be three sizes too big at least. Could he feign extra weight? He was sure he could mold a pillow to strap to his body to act as a belly pooch over his hard-achieved abs.

Sasuke stared at himself in the mirror again but it had fogged over where it had once been clear. He was going crazy. Surely. There was no way he could be planning to completely transform himself and sneak behind his brother's back with the transformation. How long would he be able to pull it off for? They were staying in Konoha for a year at minimum. Would he be able to keep up?

Was it worth it?

It was his last year of high school. If he somehow managed to completely ruin his entire life, he could always perform a magical college "transformation" and return to his old self the year after.

Sasuke made his decision. He was ready.


	3. Hypotheses

.

**A/N:** A special thanks to **Dragon77** and my **Guests** who left kind words that helped me get through editing! This chapter is dedicated to **amaterasu098** whose words encouraged me to keep going. I hope this update is good enough for everyone who reviewed and who read! Thank you for your time and dedication, everyone!

.

**Chapter Three**

…**:::Hypotheses:::…**

**.**

**.**

**September**

**.**

**.**

"So . . . how was school?"

"Fine."

"Met anyone interesting?"

"Nope."

Sasuke picked at the chopped onions in his food, pushing them to the side. Itachi watched him with a permanently concerned expression.

"They're edible, you know," the elder Uchiha tried to tease. "You've been picking at them for half an hour. Everything okay?"

Sasuke nodded his head absently. Feeling helpless, Itachi stood up from where he had finished his dinner long ago to return to the living room. Sasuke turned his head to watch him go, a sudden stab of guilt in his chest. It wasn't his brother he was upset with.

"'Tachi," he called softly. "I'm sorry. It just hasn't been a great day. I'll be better tomorrow."

Itachi offered him a sympathetic half-smile. "One step at a time, little brother."

"Oi, Uchiha!"

The new voice drifted from the living room and made Sasuke roll his eyes. He hated Kisame.

"This plan is taking forever, yeah? Can't we just call it a night?"

Sasuke hated Deidara even more.

Itachi had come home from work with two of his colleagues and Chinese takeout to continue brainstorming a marketing strategy for the Uchiha Corporation. By then, Sasuke had already taken a very long shower to wash off the stress of the day, washed the tomato sauce stains from Kiba's fight, and hung his shirt to dry in his closet so his brother would not notice.

Something about Kisame irked Sasuke to no end; he had met him before, back in Kumogakure. This new Deidara character, however, grated his every nerve. He didn't like his attitude, the way he talked, and _especially_ his blond hair.

Sasuke was starting to think there was a curse on the hair color. First Samui, then that Ino girl at the department store, and then that Naruto boy. Blond was a curse.

Appetite having never manifested, he had been about to put his box of takeout in the fridge when Kisame looked over at him with his beady eyes and said, "I'll eat that if you won't, brat."

"I'd give it to you if you'd ask politely," Sasuke bit back.

"Or I could come on over there and take it from you."

"Is 'please' missing from your vocabulary?" Sasuke put the box away in the refrigerator, ignoring Kisame altogether in favor of retreating into his bedroom. The faster Itachi finished with those goons, the more time he could spend with him. Besides, he wanted to jot down his findings.

Having finally unpacked everything from the moving boxes, Sasuke's room was now only _slightly_ less empty. His bed was shoved into the corner, covered neatly in a navy comforter to match his walls and two white pillows. On the bedside table were a short lamp and a single picture frame of the last Uchiha family photo. The only other furniture in the room was a walk-in closet and his desk, settled by the door with another lamp, a few books, and a mug filled with assorted pens and pencils. Sasuke had refused any further decoration, not wanting to grow too attached to his new home in Konoha.

He lifted his mattress to pull his journal from beneath it, settling into the chair at his desk. Too many things had happened today for him to process in a single sitting and he was far too tired for his daily run to clear his head. There had been Sakura, Kiba, and Naruto; he couldn't even remember his classes, he had barely paid any attention.

It had only taken three people to convince him he was an asshole, and only one person to convince the whole school he was. How he had managed to ruin his reputation in the span of _a single lunch break_ was beyond him. _Asshole. Asshole. Asshole._ Naruto's voice stung and Sasuke winced at the mantra replaying in his head.

Theory #1: Sasuke realized he was probably an asshole.

He wasn't sure how much worse his reputation could get now that it had already hit rock bottom. He had walked through Konoha High, through the crowds of people, and – apart from a curious glance here or there at an unfamiliar face – had received no out of the ordinary reactions. No screaming gaggle of girls. No nods from the soccer team. No "Hey man, how are you?" or "You look a little lost, cutie, let me help you!" or even a "Watch where you're going . . . oh, sorry, Uchiha."

Nothing.

Now he was going to be shunned for Kiba's reaction during lunch. Sasuke wasn't blind; he had seen the stares and heard the snickers at his expense as his face had flushed as red as the tomato sauce stains on his shirt underneath all of his make-up. He was ready to rip off his disguise and have the world return to its natural order, for the girls to bat their eyelashes in his direction and for the boys to respect him for no reason other than his status. He wanted to be shallow as hell. He wanted to be king of the school.

He _wanted_ to be the asshole.

If it meant people would stop staring at him, would stop avoiding him, would stop trying to trip him in the hallways without even knowing his name, he _wanted_ people to respect him out of fear.

Theory #2: Sasuke realized he was probably not a very good person.

If he wanted to find any sort of success with his experiment – if he wanted to make dressing up in his ridiculous disguise worth his time and effort – then he had to start fixing his reputation. He had to start proving to others that he wasn't the asshole Kiba said he was.

Even if, he thought, he might be.

At the top of a new page, he wrote: _Goal #1: Say one nice thing to someone._ After thinking over the concept, he added, _Sincerely._

Every day he would make a new goal for himself of what he thought it meant to be a good person. He would show people he wasn't an asshole. He would prove it to himself.

Because he wasn't an asshole.

Right?

**...**

Sasuke's calculated schedule began at exactly 6:00 a.m.

It had taken him weeks of planning, of tracking Itachi's work patterns, documenting when he came home, and timing several different tests before he was ready to put his plan into action. After much trial and error, 6:00 a.m. was the perfect time for his alarm, which woke him up just as Itachi left the house. The alarm cut through the morning silence like a heated knife through butter, jolting Sasuke awake under the guise of a morning run.

Phase 1: Clothing.

Sasuke's disguise was made up of his forest green school uniform three sizes too big, a white button-down shirt with the Konoha High spiral emblazoned in gold on the left breast pocket, and a green scarf to bury his jawline in. After adjusting a striped tie and his blazer, he pulled the _piece de resistance_ from the closet:

A belted skin-tone pillow.

It was shaped like half a sphere, stuffed with fluff and balls of putty Sasuke had mixed together so that when prodded or poked it would feel like actual fat. He carefully inserted the pillow underneath his shirt and secured it into place with the belt before stepping back to admire his handiwork. He looked like he had suddenly gained fifty pounds.

Phase 1: Complete.

Sasuke smirked, admiring his handiwork one last time before moving on to Phase 2: Make-up.

He pulled out a bag hidden deep within his cabinet and emptied the contents into the sink. Foundation, eye shadow, and an eyebrow pencil. His trip to Kikyo Department Store had been fruitful. Sighing, Sasuke began applying the darkest shade of foundation to his face. It felt thick and heavy, surely to bring with it unwanted acne that Sasuke had not seen in years.

This was his decision, he chided himself. He would have to accept the consequences.

Several minutes and makeup products later, Sasuke's face was a blotchy mess of natural shades. He tried to cover most of his face with his hair before sticking it up wildly in other places, hoping his botched make-up job wouldn't be _too_ obvious. Finally, he put on his thick-framed glasses – a pair that, he might add, clashed rather poorly with his uniform. He quickly checked off the phase completion in his journal, tucked it carefully back underneath his mattress, and set off to the kitchen.

At exactly 7:25, Sasuke set out on his walk to school.

Konoha High crept into his vision over the horizon. It was a one-story brick and mortar building, its rusty red exterior surrounded by masses of trees whose colored leaves were showing the first sign of autumn. Students were already walking through its open entrance. Some of them were slamming car doors in the parking lot, others clicking the locks of their bicycles into place. He walked right in, make-up and glasses and pillow and all, and headed straight for the locker rooms. His throat felt tight and his body felt too hot even with the cold of autumn frosting the air.

What was he so worried about?

He wanted this, didn't he? Didn't he _want_ answers? To know what kind of person he really was? To reinvent himself?

He would never admit he was scared of the conclusions he'd find.

_ "__No one is your friend, you heartless bastard."_

High school, Sasuke came to remember, was a zoo.

A mess of sex-crazed boys and girls who were too young to legally buy their own alcohol but downed coffee by the gallons so they could stay awake for eight hours a day in tiny classrooms. P.E., his schedule taunted him. It was going to be a challenge. Sasuke knew he would only add on to his already-poor reputation by also being _that kid_ who changed out of his uniform in the bathroom stalls, but there was no way he would put himself at risk of exposure.

Sasuke exited the bathroom in sweatpants three sizes too big and a long-sleeved shirt that covered his belly. He placed his neatly folded uniform inside of a locker and turned around –

"Uuuuuuuchihaaaaaaaa!"

Sasuke looked up at the ceiling. "Please," he begged to any divine force willing to listen. "Please just take me now."

A mess of orange and blond assaulted his vision once more. Naruto swung one arm around his neck in greeting, slapping his chest, wearing an orange hoodie over his white sports uniform that was definitely against the rules. He dragged Sasuke out onto the field where the rest of the class had begun to trickle from the locker rooms.

"Did you miss me, my love?" Naruto cooed.

Sasuke shoved him roughly. "What the fuck is your problem? I didn't give you enough reason to leave me the hell alone yesterday?"

Naruto lost his footing and tumbled forward but landed gracefully into a somersault. He bounced right back to his feet and put his hands up in success. Behind him, a familiar blond-haired girl clapped in delight.

"Ten out of ten!" she shouted. "Encore! Encore!"

Sasuke froze. He recognized that girl.

Ino Yamanaka from the make-up department.

It was official, thought Sasuke. The world hated him. He had killed someone very important and someone very blond in his past life and this was his punishment.

Sasuke bowed his head and turned to leave, but Naruto latched onto him again. The Uchiha was growing incredibly frustrated with the boy's lack of personal space. He wrenched his arm from Naruto's hand and pushed him once more.

"Touch me one more time, you little shit, and I'll break every bone in your body."

Naruto put his hands up in mock defeat. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy there, tiger. Just trying to make a friend, is all."

"And what on earth gave you the idea that I wanted to be _friends?_"

"Isn't that the Hollywood trope these days? Broody guy who is a major jerk actually just wants to be _loooooved?_" Naruto bat his eyelashes at him and, to Sasuke's annoyance, stepped closer. His voice lowered and his tone turned serious. "You want to be an asshole to my friends and me? I need you to understand that's not how things work around here."

This was literally the exact opposite of what Sasuke had intended when he had swatted Naruto's hand away at their first meeting. What kind of person sought out the company of someone they disliked?

"Is that a threat, idiot?"

Naruto waggled his eyebrows. "You can take it as an invitation if you prefer that. Or a challenge."

Ino was suddenly at Naruto's side, along with a black-haired boy who had tied the front of his uniform into a knot that exposed his bare midriff. The smile on his face was strained and unnatural.

"Wait, don't tell me." Ino looked Sasuke up and down and for a moment the Uchiha feared she had recognized him; he tried to keep his hair in his face so she would not spot the make-up. Instead, her eyes widened in disbelief. "_This_ is the new kid? This is so disappointing! I was hoping for a new play thing! All the boys here are so _boring_."

The black-haired boy cocked his head in her direction. "You can play with me," he offered.

To that, Naruto let out a bark of laughter. "That's not what she meant, Sai. Ino wants to play with other things you might not be able to offer."

"I understood what she meant, dickless. She can do a lot more with me than your inadequate anatomy."

Sasuke turned to walk away again, absolutely seething. The P.E. teacher was waiting for them at the center of the field; he looked like a beacon of bright green spandex and Sasuke found himself wondering just how bad he had been in his past life to deserve this new one.

And yet, once again, Naruto's hand was on his shoulder.

Sasuke had had enough. Just who the _fuck_ did this kid think he was to be invading his personal space like this? To talk to him like this? He gripped Naruto's arm with bone-crushing strength and twisted it, pushing the blond to the floor with his arm pressed against his back. Naruto let out a surprised cry.

Everyone was staring at them.

Sasuke could already hear them whispering. _"That's the new kid. Heard he was a real jerk." "Did you see what he did to Kiba at lunch the other day?" "God what an asshole." "He just doesn't know how to behave." "Anger issues, much?" "Naruto was only trying to be friendly."_

"You've got some strength for a tubby guy," Naruto's muffled voice came from the floor. He struggled against Sasuke's grip. "Didn't expect that out of you."

Ino pushed at Sasuke roughly. "Lay off of him, asshole! He was only trying to be nice."

The Uchiha released the boy beneath him. Truth be told, he was honestly worried he would kill the boy. Anger clawed away at him from the inside, absolutely seething, as he tried to calm his beating heart and get his fury under control before he really did something he would regret.

"I didn't ask for his company," he spat venomously at Ino before he left the odd trio behind.

The whispers followed him to AP English.

And so did his bad luck.

Naruto was there. Sasuke was beginning to realize Naruto and his friends were _everywhere_. He was slowly coming to recognize them, as they were slowly beginning to realize he was a target of their dear friend. Sasuke wasn't sure if he could play dirty, too. He wanted to find a way make Naruto regret this silly unwanted challenge, but the more effort he put into retaliating, the more the whispers seemed to follow him. Sasuke was in unfamiliar territory where Naruto was already a god; anything he did against him, even in defense, would only hurt himself.

So he kept to himself during English, silently seething, silently planning Naruto's downfall. Thankfully, Naruto seemed to have learned his lesson for the day.

To his relief, he recognized no one in AP Research. The teacher was, to Sasuke's ever-growing horror, blond-haired. She looked no older than Sasuke and was rather attractive if he had to say so himself, her purple dress loosely hugging her curvaceous form. If his current track record with blond-haired human beings was anything to go by, however, Sasuke was going to hate this class.

He learned her name was Temari Sabaku, and he learned she wasn't so bad. They were to dedicate their year to a single research thesis on any topic of their choice. Sasuke idly wondered if his current experiment would fit the mark.

When he found himself actively avoiding the lunch room in favor of heading to his next class early, he wasn't sure what exactly his experiment was turning into.

He couldn't stand the whispers. He couldn't stand how much he dreaded the sight of anyone even remotely close to Naruto. He wasn't supposed to be hiding; he was supposed to be king of the damn school, adored by everyone.

With a sinking feeling in his stomach, he was beginning to realize Samui had been right.

Sasuke trudged into the Culinary Arts lab as soon as lunch began, deciding he would spend his time getting familiar with what he hoped would be his favorite class. He had decided on Culinary Arts on a last-minute whim after having an opening in his schedule for one extracurricular course. He loved cooking for Itachi at home, so why not make something out of it?

Upon entering, however, he realized he was not alone.

"New kid?"

He spun around, suddenly wishing he had gone to lunch. A white-haired boy sat behind one of the long benches with a sandwich out in front of him and a large water bottle. His eyes were such a vibrant blue that they were bordering on indigo.

At least, thought Sasuke, he wasn't blond.

The Uchiha groaned in the back of his throat. "Don't tell me you're part of Naruto's ever-expanding circus. Are you guys _everywhere?_"

The boy looked confused for a moment, cocking his head to the side, before he chuckled. "Naruto, huh? Nah, we aren't close. He got it out for you or something? That doesn't sound like him at all."

Sasuke stared cautiously at the stranger. He seemed . . . nice. He wasn't overly obnoxious, he didn't try to fit as many words as he could into a sentence, and more importantly, he wasn't blond or friends with Naruto. Sasuke set his bag down on a chair a comfortable distance away from the boy and stood by it.

"He hasn't left me alone since I got here."

The boy laughed again, a nice chime that soothed Sasuke's nerves instead of irritated them. "Okay, that sounds like Naruto. Kid means well, trust me. He just isn't everybody's type."

"Not yours?"

"Nah, I like the kid a lot. Good guy. Just haven't gotten around to being friends, you dig? High school isn't like in the movies. I don't have to be friends with _everyone_."

"Somehow it seems like Naruto is."

The boy laughed again and Sasuke allowed himself a smirk. For the first time since arriving at Konoha High, he felt at ease.

"The name's Suigetsu, by the way. Suigetsu Hozuki. I'm here waiting for a friend before class starts."

"Sasuke," was all the Uchiha offered. "I'm avoiding Naruto before class starts."

"Nice tactic. Culinary Arts with Ayame is the fucking best, you're going to love it. And you look like a kid who loves his food."

It took Sasuke a few moments to realize it was supposed to be a joke about his weight. He inwardly smirked; the joke was on Suigetsu, who he could probably outrun for hours.

The two fell into a comfortable silence as the time passed by. Suigetsu's friend turned out to be a girl with flaming red hair and no regard for uniform skirt guidelines named Karin, who Sasuke immediately took dislike to. She was loud and bossy and paid no attention to the fact that he was in the room; Sasuke honestly had no idea how Suigetsu and her had come to be friends. He only understood why moments after her arrival: Suigetsu and Karin entered a shouting match that echoed off the tiled walls and then promptly stopped yelling at each other as if it never happened.

The Uchiha kept waiting to see if he would recognize anyone else who walked in. Would he have to avoid Naruto in one of his favorite subjects? Avoid any of his friends?

To Sasuke's relief as class settled down and the young brunette began introductions, no one came.

The last two classes passed blissfully without interaction with Naruto. His only remorse came when Statistics rolled around and he saw the blond wave goodbye to who he recognized as Sakura and an unfamiliar male with his hair pulled tightly into a ponytail. When Naruto caught him staring from inside the classroom he waved at Sasuke as well, to which Sasuke turned his head to the windows instead.

Sakura, he realized with a stab of guilt, was deliberately ignoring his existence.

It wasn't until class was almost over did he remember the goal he had made the night before. _Say one nice to thing to someone. Sincerely. _He looked over to Sakura.

He knew what he had to do.

When the final bell rang to signal the end of class, Sasuke quickly gathered his books into his backpack and ran to catch Sakura just outside the room. He called her name and watched the boy she stood next to raise his eyebrow at him and sigh, but made no move to leave.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" Sasuke asked her uneasily. He wasn't familiar with what he was about to do and Ponytail Guy's obvious disapproving frown wasn't making him feel any better.

"Need me to stay?" Ponytail Guy asked Sakura, completely ignoring Sasuke.

To Sasuke's relief, Sakura shook her head and shot the boy a wan smile. "I'll just be a minute, Shikamaru. Tell Naruto to wait up."

Students spilled into the halls around them, lockers clanging open and chatter drowning out all attempts at conversation so that Sasuke had to lean closer to Sakura to ask her to follow him just around the corner. He cursed at how uneasy _she_ looked; it wasn't like he was going to hit her for fuck's sake.

When they stopped in a quieter corner at the end of the hallway by Sasuke's locker, Sasuke turned to look at her and then at the floor when he couldn't meet her eyes. He couldn't remember the last time he did anything remotely close to what he was about to do.

"Listen," he began, attempting to run a hand through his hair and stopping when the pomade got in the way. He had to stop forgetting that. "I wanted to apologize about yesterday. I wasn't in a good mood at all and everything was just a little overwhelming so I took it out on you. I just want you to know I'm sorry." He paused, mulling over what he had planned to say next. "You seem like a really nice person, so thanks for volunteering to show me around."

Goal #1: Complete.

He had finished what he intended to do. Sakura stood with her mouth open slightly in surprise. Sasuke could see Naruto coming down the hallway from the corner of his eye, accompanied by Shikamaru and – infuriatingly – Kiba. Without waiting for Sakura to reply, he turned on his heels and walked to deposit the rest of his books into his locker.

"Sasuke, wait –!"

"Sakura!" That was Naruto's voice.

Sasuke hurried. He stood in front of his locker but when he tried to turn the numbers to his combination, it refused to budge. Leaning closer to inspect the problem, he found globs of glue filling the edges.

Fucking perfect.

With a yell of frustration, Sasuke kicked at the locker door and jerked the lock angrily in place. The lockers rattled dangerously and the loud _BANG_ resonated through the quieting hallways. All eyes turned to him. It only made him angrier. He _knew_ Naruto was going to try to talk to him again.

"Kiba!" came Sakura's voice instead. "What did I tell you about superglue?! Sasuke, I'm sorry –"

"You're _what_ now, Sakura?" interjected Kiba.

Sasuke turned to look in their direction for the first time. His eyes first locked onto Sakura's emerald gaze, her own eyes wide. He moved his sight to Kiba, who was grinning triumphantly, and then to Naruto, whose piercing sapphire eyes complemented a sympathetic twist of his mouth. Sasuke didn't need their sympathy. He just wanted to be left alone.

"Forget it," he spat at Sakura when his eyes rested on hers again. "Just fucking forget it."

He stalked angrily away from them. He just wanted to go home.

**...**

Itachi didn't come home until late.

Sasuke had shed his disguise and gone for a quick run just in time before he knew his brother would be home at 6:30 pm. He had cooked a hearty dinner of lasagna and waited. The clock ticked seven with no sign of his brother and so he sat down at the kitchen counter to eat alone.

At 8:45, Itachi walked in and plopped himself onto the couch immediately by the door.

"I had a meeting with the town mayor," he said in apology. "She apparently works part time at the hospital so she could only pencil me in late."

Sasuke shrugged half-heartedly as he heated up a slice of lasagna for his brother in the microwave. He wanted to talk about his day. He wanted to tell his brother people sucked. He wanted to rant and scream and ask him if he thought he was an asshole. Instead, he handed his brother a steaming plate of lasagna and nestled neatly against Itachi's side until the elder Uchiha's eyes closed and his head lolled onto Sasuke's half an hour later.

With his brother asleep, Sasuke took out his journal and sat by the lamplight. He checked off Goal #1, scribbling a note about what he had told Sakura beneath it. It had satisfied him to see the surprise in her expression. He wondered what she thought about him now.

Goal #2 would also have to be surprising, he thought. It would have to be difficult. Maybe it would even change things.

With a sigh, he wrote:

_Goal #2: Say one nice thing to Naruto_.

He forgot to later add, _Sincerely._


	4. Criteria

**.**

**A/N:** A little delayed, but there are a lot of surprises in this chapter. It should be jam-packed enough with adventures and drama for you to be satisfied! Thank you to all my readers, all of you who followed and reviewed and favorited. I'm getting back into my writing mojo and I hope it shows.

The end of this chapter is inspired by Douglas Adams' _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_; the king of comedic literature.

Lots of swearing in this chapter. Sasuke's quite grumpy.

.

**Chapter Four**

…**:::Criteria:::…**

**.**

**.**

**September**

**.**

**.**

Sasuke wondered how long it would take him to fuck his day up today.

Walking into French and spotting Kiba, he thought: _That was quick._

His lock had been cleaned from any traces of superglue when he arrived at school; he didn't care enough to dwell on who had done it or why. All that mattered was that he could access his books again, and that Kiba had been the reason he couldn't.

"They don't teach you to speak dog here," he shot at the shaggy-haired boy as he passed by him to sit at the back of the class.

"Should've saved some glue for that mouth of yours, shit-face."

"Shit-face," Sasuke repeated. "How original."

"Fucker."

"Kiba!"

The squeak of a voice had come from the girl sitting to Kiba's right. Her shoulder-length purple hair complemented the green blazer of her uniform nicely and she was actively avoiding Sasuke's gaze.

"Sorry . . ."

To Sasuke's ever-growing misery, Naruto was waiting outside of the door, presumably for Kiba and the girl. He did his best to duck his head to avoid the blond but of course, he should have known better. The blond must somehow have been attuned to making every waking moment of Sasuke's life as miserable as possible.

"Uuuuuuchihaaaaaaa!" came the call like a war cry. "You take AP French?" Naruto hooked his arm around Sasuke's neck as if they had been friends for years. "Oooh yeah, talk dirty to me, Sasuke," he teased. He dropped his voice to a husky growl. "Speak to me in baguette."

Sasuke rolled his eyes and had been about to duck out of Naruto's grip when a sudden thought jumped to his mind. He turned as much as his face would allow in their proximity and said in as flat of a tone as he could muster, "T'as de beaux yeux."

He twisted himself from the boy's grip and took off to Biology, knowing Kiba would follow him eventually.

"Mmmm, yeah, just like that, baby!" Naruto called after him.

It wasn't until he turned around and Hinata was staring at him open-mouthed and blushing furiously did he feel something was wrong. Kiba looked at her expression and seemed to come to the same conclusion.

"What?" urged Kiba. "What did he say?"

Hinata's blush deepened. "It's from a movie," she mumbled. "He said you have beautiful eyes."

Goal #2: Complete.

**…**

Sasuke did not come across Naruto again until students filtered out of AP Psychology.

He slowly packed his bag at the end of the satisfying lecture, trying to determine how he wanted to go about his lunch break today, when he spotted the blond walking in. Sasuke thought it was an odd thing to do; as far as he was aware, this was the only AP Psychology course and the teacher was leaving the class for lunch as well.

The two of them locked eyes momentarily.

"Hey, Uchiha." For once, his voice was low and leveled.

Sasuke ignored him.

"You speak pretty good French," Naruto continued anyway. "I don't. Hinata told me what you said. Gotta admit I didn't think you had a sense of humor in you."

Sasuke snorted as he walked past him. It hadn't been intended to be a follow-up to Naruto's ridiculous humor at all. Even a brick wall could objectively see that Naruto's eyes were an attractive feature, and he'd heard the line in some movie or other he'd recently watched over a bowl of cereal. He had merely been hoping Naruto would never understand he had offered a compliment so he could cheat at completing his goal; he hadn't accounted for that Hinata girl to translate and hoped it wouldn't be taken for any other meaning.

"Naruto! Wasn't expecting you until after school."

"Hey Jiraiya."

That caught Sasuke's attention. Naruto had sounded quite familiar with the old Psychology teacher, even speaking to him on a first-name basis. He turned back just as he was about to leave the room to see Naruto smiling at the wizened man. He frowned. He had liked Jiraiya. A bit odd, definitely, but clearly knowledgeable in his field and an entertaining instructor. How did he know Naruto so familiarly?

He chalked it up to an unusual old teacher-student relationship and let it go, trailing to the cafeteria as his stomach growled. He was determined not to hide that day. Sasuke realized he had been so caught up in trying to carry out his experiment that he forgot what it was like to live in the moment of high school. He barely paid attention in his classes, barely knew enough about his teachers to form an opinion; he had only been focused on his disguise and avoiding Naruto and his cronies.

Today, he took his lunch outside for the first time.

The tree he had seen the first day of school was still vacant and so he sat, feeling the crisp autumn breeze against his face for once instead of the weight of his make-up and glasses. Konoha's weather was a blessing. Sasuke knew this new country wasn't so bad. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the tree trunk.

"Sasuke?"

The Uchiha opened one eye, then the other when he found green blinking back at him.

Sakura.

She seemed nervous. Sasuke inwardly snorted. "Um . . . We clearly got off on the wrong foot. And you don't seem like such a bad person, contrary to what everyone's been saying. So I wanted to ask if you'd like to come to the lake after school?"

"The lake?"

"There's a decent hangout spot on the other side from here. We go there to sit around and just talk and feed the ducks and stuff. It's always tough being the new kid so it'd be nice to show you how we do it in Konoha."

Sasuke knew that his ticket to furthering his experiment was to accept. He knew he needed to start socializing and going out since it had been a missing variable from his time in Kumogakure that could lead to greater relationship satisfaction. And so, even though every inch of his body screamed that all he wanted to do was go home and curl up alone with a show and some cereal, he shrugged and said, "Sure."

Sakura's eyes lit up immediately and Sasuke found himself drawn into them. He wondered what it was about him and peoples' eyes that he found so attractive, but the way she smiled and the way her eyes crinkled in her excitement made him think she was almost . . . cute.

He quickly banished the thought.

"Great!" the pink-haired girl exclaimed. "Meet you after school!"

"Just for an hour," Sasuke added hastily as she turned to leave. He would have to skip his run to make it back in time before Itachi.

For some reason, Sasuke felt excited.

He thought he would dread the idea of interacting more with Sakura after school but his curiosity elevated his spirits to unusual heights. He wondered, what would it be like? Would he be awkward? Would he talk at all? Would his mood change by the end of the day? What sort of new notes could he take for his experiment?

"Uuuuuuchihaaaaaaa!"

Oh for crying out loud.

Sasuke gritted his teeth and waited for the incoming physical contact the owner's voice was bound to make with some part of his body. True to his thoughts, Naruto's well-muscled arm suddenly swung itself around Sasuke's neck as he was making his way to where their P.E. teacher was using the goalpost as a pull-up bar.

"I don't know why you change in the stalls. No one cares about your pooch. All we ever do is take one quick look at your dick for science's sake and then we're good for the rest of the year."

Sasuke roughly removed Naruto's arm. "Wouldn't want you to feel too embarrassed about your inadequacy."

Ino shoved between the two, glaring at Sasuke. "Naruto is plenty adequate, Jerk Face."

Sai, appearing at Naruto's other side, had let out a soft chuckle. "Uchiha appears to agree with my sentiments, Dickless."

_Great, the circus is complete,_ thought Sasuke at the new arrivals.

"Are we really going to have a dick challenge right now?" Naruto's hands flew dangerously to the waistband of his green shorts and Sasuke felt his ears grow hot when his eyes met sapphire. "I have no shame, let's do this!"

"Put your testosterone on a leash, for God's sake, Naruto." Ino swatted his hands away from his shorts and tugged on his shirt to pull them to their P.E. teacher.

Sasuke fought back the unusual heat from his ears. Where had _that_ come from? He tried to distract himself, glad for his long hair covering his lapse in control. "Your girlfriend seems to be a great leash as it is," he bit at Naruto.

To his surprise, Ino barked with laughter. "_Girlfriend_? To this clown? Absolutely not."

Naruto pouted.

_Pouted_.

Who the fuck _pouts_ like that?

"We literally dated for like three months sophomore year! Why do you have to say it like that?" He turned his blue eyes to Sasuke and winked. "She loves me, really. But she loves playing the field more."

Ino huffed at him and rolled her eyes, signaling the end of the conversation. At least, thought Sasuke, no one was going to start whipping out their dicks any time soon. They continued their walk to the field with Ino and Naruto bickering in the background and Sasuke trying very hard not to lose his temper over the unblinking gaze he knew Sai was trying to drill through his soul.

If he could survive Sakura's invitation to the lake after school, Sasuke was going to spoil himself with a hearty tomato soup as a reward.

**…**

Naruto fiddled absently with his lock, a small frown on his face. Things were . . . confusing. Dealing with Sasuke Uchiha was as fun as it was draining. No amount of welcoming him with open arms would lower that obvious guard of his, but then he goes around and _compliments_ him. If it wasn't a sincere compliment (as he'd begun to suspect), then the Uchiha had actually gone along with his joke regardless. And now he'd learned that Sakura had invited him to The Spot after school. It seemed the new kid had already won her over somehow, though Sakura hadn't explained exactly _how_ yet.

If he was being honest, Naruto was a little jealous of how easily Sakura had convinced him to hang out.

Maybe he was going about it wrong, he thought. Maybe he needed to take a step back and be a little less Naruto. A little less himself. Maybe his personality was a little too overwhelming for someone already overwhelmed by moving countries and he needed to cool it.

He shook his head as soon as the idea struck him; to be anything less than himself was unfathomable. It would be an insult to Sasuke, even. He wasn't ashamed of who he was, and if he and this new kid didn't click because of that, then fine. Not everyone had to like him, but he sure as hell wasn't done trying.

Naruto took a deep breath to brace himself for his next adventure and finally turned away from his locker –

– Only to trip and fall hard on his hands and knees.

There was the sound of a soft snigger, almost lost in the din of students still clanging their lockers to go home, then a much clearer, "Watch where you're going, cock-sucker."

Naruto clenched his teeth and balled his hands into fists but otherwise stayed hunched over on the floor, watching pristine black shoes walking away from him in the corner of his vision. He didn't need to look up to know who it was that had tripped him.

Like he said, not everyone had to like him.

When he was sure no one would be tripping him again, Naruto collected himself off of the ground and made his way out of the school doors. The lake was a short trek from Konoha High. Shimmering, crystal-clear waters spanned across three acres, surrounded on one end by a forest of trees tinged in autumn yellows and oranges. From across the lake, Naruto could already tell Sasuke was seated near Sakura on a bench. The pink-haired girl was animatedly talking to him with a bag of bird feed in her hands.

As Naruto drew closer, he heard bits of her conversation: she was explaining to Sasuke the dangers of feeding ducks bread and teaching him how to throw the bird feed. Sasuke was looking entirely awkward holding a handful of seeds.

"They don't have ducks in Kumogakure?" Naruto called to them with a beaming smile.

Black and pink snapped in his direction. Sasuke glared at him. Sakura let out a hearty laugh. "He says there aren't any animals at all except crows! Can you imagine?"

"God forbid you be deprived of your ducks, Sakura. How's it going, Sasuke? Let me wiggle on over here." He squeezed onto the bench on Sakura's other side and dipped one hand haphazardly into the bird feed. When Sasuke said nothing in reply, Naruto continued, undeterred, "Today was a monster of a day, don't even get me started. Jiraiya says I'll be home alone for a while – he's my godfather, by the way, the psychology teacher at this school, but he's always traveling, Lord only knows how he's still got a job I swear . . ."

He fell into easy conversation and watched the rest of his friends trickle one-by-one around them from across the lake. The air of tension at a foreigner in their midst was unmistakable, but Naruto ignored it. He introduced Sasuke to each and every single person as they came. First Shikamaru and Chouji, the latter generously handing around his family-sized potato chips. Then Ino and Sai. Finally, Hinata, Shino, and – with a growl – Kiba.

Naruto watched Sasuke's reactions from the corner of his eye as he let organic conversation bloom around them. The new boy had seemed somewhat relaxed when it had just been the three of them feeding the ducks. With each new addition, his shoulders had visibly tensed. He hadn't said a single word since Naruto had arrived, and the blond wasn't sure if that was a blessing or if there was something wrong.

"So are you liking Konoha?" Naruto leaned over Sakura to get a better look at the tubby boy who seemed to be wishing the ground would swallow him whole. At Naruto's voice, the idle conversation around them began to die down. Curiosity piqued.

Sasuke shrugged.

"Better than Kumo, at least?" continued Naruto.

"Sort of."

A man of few words. Naruto smiled in spite of himself. He liked a challenge.

"What do you usually do? You know, after school?" Sakura joined in on the conversation.

Sasuke gave the floor a twisted frown. "I watch stuff. Netflix."

"No one's forcing you to be here, you know," Kiba bit. He tossed the growing crowd of ducks some of Sakura's feed and ignored her hushed reprimanding. "No, seriously. You don't look like you even _like_ us."

Naruto watched Sasuke's fists clench but to his surprise, the dark-haired boy was silent. He tried desperately to come up with a way to redirect the topic of conversation. No one dared to speak. Tension hung thickly in the autumn breeze.

It made Kiba bolder.

"So did you have friends back in Kumo?" he asked with dangerous nonchalance lacing his words.

Naruto shot him a dirty look that he ignored, then turned to watch Sasuke's reactions. The boy's eyes were still downcast from behind his glasses, his fists still clenched, his mouth twisted. Why was he so quiet? Where was the biting sarcasm Naruto had been introduced to? The dick in sheep's clothing? The asshole? Where had his tongue gone?

Kiba stood, threw the rest of the feed in his hands into the water, and walked to where Sasuke sat.

"Kiba," Naruto growled quietly. "Leave him the hell alone. We're a lot to take in."

If anything, Sasuke looked _overwhelmed_. Naruto felt a pang of sympathy. Maybe inviting him to their spot while they were there all at once was a terrible idea. Too many people, too many views, too many sounds. Was he introverted? Shy? He'd been so comfortable when it had just been him and Sakura. Sasuke kept his eyes trained on the ground.

Kiba leaned in closer to Sasuke as if to get a better look at his face. "So is the silence a no? No friends?"

"Kiba, that's enough," Naruto said as he jerked from his seat to break up the scene, but Sasuke's reaction was quicker. The silent boy's hands shot out to push Kiba out of his personal space with a wordless threat. His eyes finally locked on Kiba, the deadly intensity behind them forcing Naruto to stand between the two of them.

As Kiba staggered back, Ino cried, "Don't _touch_ him, you asshole! We invited _you_ here and you go and push him? Unbelievable."

"You were in his face," Sakura tried to interject, at the same time Naruto added, "Quit the bullshit, Kiba, you know exactly what you were doing."

Sasuke Uchiha stood, stared at the sea of foreign faces – a mix of disappointed, strange expressions –, and stalked off. He hadn't said a single word. Not a single person tried to stop him. Naruto felt his ears grow hot in shame, watching his retreating back, knowing that if he called out to him he wouldn't return. He turned to Ino and Kiba.

"Proud of yourselves? Talking all day about how much of an asshole he is? Take a look in the fucking mirror. Since when is it an eye for an eye?"

"You're sticking up for the kid who's been nothing but a jerk to you since you met him?" Kiba scoffed. "We don't need a new kid, Naruto. Stop bringing in strays. It was fun until he started biting back."

Naruto glared at him.

"_I_ was a stray."

The silence that followed his words was heavy with meaning. Naruto heard a soft call of his name and turned to find Sakura holding up an unfamiliar backpack. Sasuke's backpack. He had left it in the commotion. Naruto took it gratefully from her and slung it over his shoulder.

"See you guys tomorrow," he called without looking back. "I'm off to find the stray."

**…**

Finding Sasuke's house proved to be more effort than Naruto had predicted.

He hadn't known where to start once he had walked away from The Spot still seething. Kiba was one of his closest friends, but his thick-headed lack of awareness was the worst of his flaws – and Ino's fierce loyalty was undying to a fault. He would forgive both of them tomorrow, but for now he had to find Sasuke and apologize. There was a difference between friendly teasing and bullying, and he was well aware they had crossed a line. Sasuke may have been an asshole before, but not at The Spot.

After several minutes of aimless walking, Naruto realized he was going nowhere in particular and finally called his godmother for help. As mayor, she would surely know the location of the newest citizens of the town.

"Why?" came her skeptical reply when he asked where the Uchihas lived. "What did you do this time?" Naruto laughed it off and said he was dropping off homework.

Sasuke's house wasn't very far from where Naruto had been walking. He reached the address just as the sun was beginning to set and looked down the path to the house. It looked ordinary enough. White-picket-fence apple-pie style. The cobblestone walkway crunched beneath his shoes as he walked slowly to the front door and stood nervously on the doormat.

_Ding dong._

Naruto waited patiently despite fidgeting with the straps of Sasuke's backpack in his hands. What were Sasuke's parents like? Did he have a dog? He seemed like the kind of person who would have a dog. A big, vicious one with equal bark and bite. Or a dog that knew how to poison you in your sleep. Maybe his parents were crazy helicopter parents and Sasuke was an asshole as a sign of rebellion. Or maybe they were entitled, stuck-up rich people and Sasuke was just genetically inclined to being a dick –

"Ah. Hello?"

Naruto almost tripped taking a step back in surprise.

The man standing before him was _gorgeous_. He seemed to almost _glow_ in the light filtering in from the doorway. Naruto felt his ears turn hot and he found himself staring with his mouth slightly open at the dark, delicately handsome features of what was clearly a man with no relation to Sasuke whatsoever.

He realized he was staring when the man perked a slender eyebrow and said, tone laced with amusement, ". . . Yes?"

"Uh . . . I guess I have the wrong house, sorry." Naruto turned to leave, slinging the backpack over his shoulder.

"Is that Sasuke's?"

At the familiar name, Naruto turned around again, surprised. "So you do know him?" He received a cocked head and stare of confusion in return. "It's just . . . I didn't think you guys were related. Cousins?"

Even more confusion. Naruto frowned. _He_ was the confused one here!

"Older brother. Itachi. Itachi Uchiha."

_There's no way they're brothers!_ Sasuke sure got all the worst family genes, huh? What did their parents look like?

He took the hand Itachi extended to him. "Naruto. Naruto Uzumaki."

"The pleasure is mine," Itachi said before turning to yell into the abyss of his home, "Sasuke! Naruto Uzumaki is here to see you!"

Naruto sputtered, "Wait, no, don't bother him if he's busy or asleep –"

"Sasuke!" Itachi continued anyway.

Before Naruto could protest once more, a very clear, _"No!"_ shouted back from the abyss. The blond saw frown lines form subtly by Itachi's mouth as the older man took a few steps away from the door and deeper inside.

"He's here to return your backpack you seemed to have carelessly left," Naruto heard him say distantly.

"_No! Tell him to go away!"_

Ouch. They hadn't left a very good impression on him after all. Naruto grimaced. Itachi turned to him to offer an embarrassed, sympathetic smile.

"I apologize for my little brother. He's been a little moody ever since the move. Thank you for returning his backpack."

Naruto smiled widely in return. "No worries, I get it. I was the new kid once. It was nice meeting you. Tell Sasuke I'll see him at school."

"Would you like to stay for dinner?"

Naruto had seen the look Itachi was giving him before. Like a parent caught in an embarrassing situation and wanting to make up for their child's behavior. He vaguely wondered where their actual parents were, or if they had moved by themselves and their parents were elsewhere. His stomach growled deeply at the thought of dinner, but something told him Sasuke would murder him twice over if he took the invitation.

He smiled warmly at the older Uchiha. "I really appreciate the invitation, Mr. Uchiha –"

"Itachi. I'm only twenty-two."

"- Itachi. But I've got to run some errands before dinner. Maybe another day." _When Sasuke doesn't hate me_, he added mentally.

"Don't be a stranger, Naruto Uzumaki."

Naruto waved goodbye and left.

**…**

From upstairs, Sasuke heard the door close. He mentally counted down thirteen seconds in his head before there was a soft knock on his bedroom door.

"It's open," he grumbled from where he'd buried his head in his pillows.

Itachi poked his head through, a look of utmost concern etched into his features. "Naruto?" was all he asked as he moved to sit on the desk chair.

"Some dick," Sasuke supplied.

"He was kind enough to return your backpack. And figure out where you live, since I can only assume you wouldn't have told him. Declining the chance to thank him in person was rather rude of you, Sasuke." He frowned. "Is everything okay at school?"

Rude.

Itachi thought Sasuke was being the asshole, Sasuke realized. All he had seen was Sasuke decline the offer to see Naruto, when really he had declined because he had already washed off the makeup and changed out of his disguise. A part of him was incredibly curious at what the blond had to say, but it would have to wait until tomorrow.

And there was no way to explain it all to his brother.

He turned his head away, knowing it would only make Itachi more concerned but not caring. He was incredibly tired. The word _asshole_ seemed to follow on his heels wherever he went. He felt Itachi's hand rub gentle circles into his back.

"We can move back if you want. We can go wherever you want. Would that help?"

His sympathy was tugging on Sasuke's heartstrings. The younger Uchiha could only imagine what he must seem like from the outside looking in: withdrawn, broody teenage boy, asshole extraordinaire. He turned to sit up carefully and pulled Itachi into a strong embrace.

"It's just rough. Moving. Quit worrying so much, 'Tachi, I'm going to be okay."

Itachi returned the embrace fiercely. "Give people a chance, little brother. There's more in the world than Kakashi and me."

He _had_ given people a chance, Sasuke thought in the silence of his bedroom once Itachi had left. He'd gone out of his comfort zone and accepted Sakura's invitation and for what? To be heckled by that Inuzuka dog? Belittled by that blonde-haired wench? He had been doing his damned best to keep every retort, every bite of sarcasm, and anything that could be misconstrued for asshole-behavior to himself, yet his _silence_ had been the reason they thought he was an asshole.

Were relationships always this hard for people?

Was making friends supposed to be this difficult?

. . . Were his theories true?

Sasuke Uchiha was quickly coming to terms with the fact that yes, he was an asshole. Yes, people didn't like him. But yes, people were hard. Sakura had liked him enough to invite him out. Naruto had actually decently attempted to stand up for him, too. There had to be some redeeming qualities about himself that only those two could see.

Then there were the other hidden variables: Naruto's circus freaks who were _not_ Kiba and Ino. They had kept quiet during all the commotion. Sasuke could not rule them out as friends just yet; they hadn't seemed to pick a side during the fight and so he could still win at least one of them over. His only problem, unfortunately, seemed to be the _quantity_ of people in his immediate vicinity. Sasuke theorized that the greater number of people, the more uncomfortable he felt. There were simply far too many variables to take into account when surrounded by nine other participants. Sitting on the lake with Sakura had actually been bliss. Even Naruto coming hadn't set him on edge. The more people that arrived, the greater his discomfort. The more uncontrolled his experimental environment.

Sasuke busied himself with jotting down his new experiment data in his journal.

Theory #3: Sasuke was probably the very definition of an introvert.

Goal #3: Spend time with someone alone.

**…**

As soon as the bell rang at school the next day, Naruto and Sakura dragged a reluctant Ino and Kiba through the hallways.

"I'll admit I was a dick to him," Kiba mumbled miserably as Sakura tugged on his blazer, "but he started it all when he called me a dog! You know how much that bothers me, Sakura!"

"A dog has more discipline than you, Kiba."

Sakura tugged harder on his blazer. At her side, Naruto pulled Ino by the hand through the teenager-infested halls. She was huffing and puffing and whispering insults under her breath. They soon reached their target just before the second bell rang:

Sasuke Uchiha, preparing to enter the Culinary Arts classroom.

Naruto noticed him glance at them from the corner of his glasses and hoped he wouldn't run. To his surprise, he stopped and turned to stare at them. Did his eyes look a little darker? Jeez, how much sleep was this guy getting at home? Sasuke opened his mouth before Naruto could speak.

"Thanks," he said flatly. "For my backpack."

It caught Naruto slightly by surprise. He grinned. "Was a lot of fun finding your house, actually! And your brother is pretty nice –"

"Ahem."

Sakura looked pointedly at the clock above the door, then at Ino and Kiba, the two of which seemed to have sprouted storm clouds hanging over their heads. She pushed them forward. Naruto moved aside to make room for them.

"What did you want to say?" encouraged Sakura, sounding like a parent reprimanding her children.

"I'm sorry," the two grumbled simultaneously.

There was a brief pause as Sasuke looked between the two of them. He shifted his backpack on his shoulder, gave them another glance. Naruto wondered what was taking so long for the second bell to ring. Time seemed to be moving agonizingly slow.

At last, Sasuke turned his back on them. "Thanks but no thanks. If you had to drag them over here, the apology isn't sincere now, is it?"

He disappeared into the classroom just as the second bell rang.

Okay.

_That_ was a dick move.

Sasuke was right for sure, thought Naruto, but he didn't have to do it _that_ way! He didn't bother looking at Kiba and Ino's triumphant grins, instead exchanging an exasperated glance with Sakura. Maybe Sasuke was a lot more trouble than he was worth.

Kiba spread his hands in mock innocence and had been about to slip in a wisecrack, but Sakura told him to stuff it and stalked off.

So it came as a surprise that later, during lunch, Sakura came running up to Naruto with a grin plastered on her face and saying she had finally managed to hang out with Sasuke.

Naruto looked up from his lunch and shielded his eyes from the sun so he could see short pink hair bobbing up and down towards him. Sakura was calling his name in excitement, drawing the attention of the others around the tree outside to her. Ino sat up from where she had been resting her head in Naruto's lap.

"Why are you so excited about that?" she said when Sakura collapsed cross-legged across from them. She plopped her head into Naruto's lap once more and draped an arm across her face.

"Be_cause_, he's actually pretty nice. Pretty quiet, so I did most of the talking –"

"As you always do, Forehead –"

"But," Sakura made a quick face at Ino, "I had him sitting with me for a whole ten minutes. _And_ he agreed to come back to The Spot one day."

Ino smirked from under her arm. "Already crushing on the new kid, Sakura? Going to ask him to the winter dance?"

Sakura scrunched her nose in distaste. "Very funny. He isn't my type."

"Oh? I thought you were into unattractive, emotionally unavailable jerks. Seems your style."

"Ino," Naruto warned with a playful tug on her hair. Sakura tugged too, jerking Ino's head from Naruto's lap and onto the floor.

The sound of their bickering fell onto deaf ears as Naruto withdrew into deep thought. He felt a pang of jealousy at hearing that Sakura had managed to have Sasuke hang out with her once more. Why wouldn't he? Sakura was a dream to most guys at the school; of _course_ Sasuke would want to be in her company. Still, he felt something strange stir in his stomach at his own failure. Sasuke still avoided eye contact with him. They hadn't exchanged any playful teasing in a while.

Was he trying too hard to make Sasuke feel welcomed? He realized he was losing a little of the spice that made his personality _his_. He had stopped trying to tease Sasuke and had instead approached welcoming him head-on, introducing him to everyone and feeling sympathetic. Maybe he needed to go back to the way they had been when they had first met. He would let their friendship play out organically, and if it didn't, then it was Sasuke's loss. Good luck to him being the new kid at Konoha High.

**…**

Sasuke was in a foul mood by the end of the day.

He had left Culinary Arts with new data to add to his journal: his official reputation at Konoha High was as the asshole. He had seated himself near Suigetsu and fell into easy conversation with the boy before Karin had rudely interrupted them by telling Suigetsu to stay away from him. She cited him as the new School Asshole™.

Suigetsu had let out a bout of melodious laughter as Sasuke's face had reddened beneath his makeup.

"Whoa, already being called an asshole?" he had said as he turned to Sasuke. "Fuck, man, who did you piss off to ruin your reputation like that in less than a week?"

"Kiba," Sasuke had simply grumbled.

Luckily, Suigetsu had merely laughed it off. "Yeah, Kiba's a piece of work. For what it's worth, I've been telling people you're actually pretty decent. I'm not exactly the most popular guy, but we can start somewhere."

Sasuke appreciated it. He really did. He felt he was making some progress with his experiment, what with his conversation with Sakura earlier. Her presence was awfully comforting. It made his chest ache. She was beautiful and bright and bubbly, something that drew Sasuke in out of curiosity. Did she talk too much? Definitely. But it was better than talking about himself, and it was better than sitting alone at lunch with whispers flying over his head.

Now, Sasuke was lingering at his locker, lost in thought, when the war cry of his name came suddenly:

"Uuuuuuchihaaaaaaa!"

The familiar arm made connection with his neck, forcing him to stoop low at the weight hooked around him. Great. Cherry on top of the sundae of fucks left to give. Sasuke slammed his locker shut and turned around to face Naruto.

"Showing up at my house? At my locker? I can't even remember your last name and you're already in love with me?"

It was a lie of course. Sasuke knew very well the owner of the arm was Naruto Uzumaki. He knew he liked orange in obnoxious tones, his godfather was Jiraiya (but never explained further), and he had a bigger stomach than he did a mouth. It was all things Sasuke had observed or remembered about the blond, but damned if he would give him the satisfaction.

Naruto waggled his eyebrows at him as he leaned against the lockers with his arms crossed over his chest. "If anything, I'd be after that brother of yours. You've got a stick shoved too far up your ass. How would we ever be able to have sex?"

Sasuke nearly choked on his spit, but recovered quickly enough. "You're assuming I wouldn't be the dominant one in a gay relationship. Also, my brother? Really?" He closed his eyes against Naruto's obnoxious, belly-deep laugh that vibrated the locker doors. Where did he get the lungs to laugh like that?

"You? Dominate me? Not in your wildest dreams, Uchiha. And yes? Have you _seen_ your brother? He'd have nuns spreading their legs."

Inwardly, Sasuke's ego smirked. Naruto hadn't seen _him_ yet. He had hordes of girls running for him. He mentally shook himself out of his arrogance. Wasn't that the one thing he was trying to run away from in the first place?

Naruto fell into stride by him as he walked towards the open doors. The cool autumn breeze swept its way through the halls and dried the sweat that had begun to make Sasuke's neck itch beneath his bundled scarf. Naruto had hooked his arm around his neck again but gentler that time, and was beginning to steer the two of them to the lake.

"We're going out for pizza and a movie this weekend if you want to join," he offered. "Yeah, yeah, you hate us and whatever, but we don't know how long you've been in Konoha for so it'd be cool to show you around. Sakura seems to really like you."

Sasuke said nothing, though something in his stomach flipped oddly at the Sakura comment. Naruto, unfazed, continued.

"We don't usually meet at The Spot on Wednesdays so I figured the two of us could just hang out. I'm home alone and everyone's busy so –"

Something jolted Sasuke painfully to his knees and his glasses fell just out of his reach. He groped for them and quickly pulled them back on, just in time to turn to find Naruto sprawled out in front of him. Someone had pushed into him when he'd had his arm still hooked around the Uchiha's neck.

A teenage boy with flaming red hair stood toweringly at Naruto's feet, sneering down at him. His bright brown eyes were alight in wicked mirth, his mouth pulled into a toothy grin. Sasuke had seen the boy around school once or twice, what with his hair an obvious beacon of abnormality, but thought nothing of him.

"Jesus fuck, Kurama," Naruto spat as he staggered to his feet, "I swear I know you know how to walk on two feet."

Kurama spread his arms in feigned innocence. "I didn't even see you, sorry."

Something in his grin told Sasuke he was anything _but _sorry. He watched the interaction from off to the side where he'd gathered himself to his feet once more. To his surprise, Kurama turned to face him. The grin on his face made him look almost psychotic.

"This your latest dick, Uzumaki?" The boy gave Sasuke a once-over. "You've seriously downgraded in the past few years, haven't you?"

_Downgraded?!_ thought Sasuke. He was a fucking _upgrade_ to any girl or guy at that damned high school. Who the fuck was this Kurama? And Sasuke was _not_ Naruto's "latest dick".

"This guy?" he scoffed as he looked at Naruto. "Not even."

He adjusted his backpack over his shoulder as Kurama let out a howl of laughter.

"Even the fat, ugly new kid won't touch you!"

Ouch. The comment stung. Sasuke wasn't used to receiving insults, especially ones against his looks. He didn't know how to react. At his side, Naruto was quicker. A warm smile spread across his face and he slung his own backpack over both shoulders and pushed Sasuke away from the direction of the lake.

"Sasuke's got actual taste," he called over his shoulder to Kurama. "Good talk, Kyuubi, baby. See you around."

Sasuke looked over his shoulder, but the red-haired boy did not seem like he intended to follow them. He allowed himself to be led away for several minutes until Naruto finally turned to him at an intersection of roads. Leaves that matched Naruto's sun-spun locks littered the floor beneath their feet.

"Stay away from Kurama," the blond boy said, warm smile still on his face. Sasuke thought there was something strained about it. He thought Naruto looked close to wincing, like he was in pain. "I know you don't exactly like me, but I hope you take my advice. He's bad vibes only."

Sasuke didn't doubt that. Even if they shared a dislike for the blond-haired boy, the psychotic grin had told him all he needed to know. "What happened to The Spot today?"

Naruto shook his head, still smiling. "I forgot I had to go home. My godmother is coming back early and I promised I'd make dinner."

Sasuke shrugged, not entirely too disappointed to be left alone. He had plenty of notes he wanted to jot down before Itachi returned. With a subtle nod of his head in goodbye, he turned at the intersection to go home.

**…**

Naruto watched Sasuke's retreating figure and let the smile fall from his face. He rubbed at his chest where his heart had started to ache.

_This guy?_ Sasuke had said. _Not even_.

_Ouch_, was all he thought as he made his way home to an empty house.

**…**

_Tomato_, thought Sasuke.

He stole a glance at the empty driveway just to be sure Itachi wasn't home as he inserted his key into the front door. For some reason, the word tomato came into his mind. He turned the key and opened the door.

_Tomato_, he thought again.

Something smelled like tomatoes, but he thought nothing of it. He was always eating tomatoes anyway. He kicked off his shoes at the door and trudged inside, eager to take off the makeup that he had applied too heavy-handedly that morning.

_Tomato_.

Something definitely smelled strongly of tomatoes, but still, Sasuke thought nothing of it. If anything, he was suddenly craving tomatoes. A nice, hearty tomato soup with maybe some Bolognese pasta on the side. He turned to enter the kitchen.

Someone was standing over the kitchen counter slicing a tower of tomatoes. The person turned towards him and for a split second, he felt his heart flutter joyously in his chest. _Kakashi!_ Kakashi was finally here! Oh how he'd missed him! He sprang forward to take the man in a hug for the ages and the motion drew the older man's attention to him. Kakashi turned with arms prepared for a greeting as he said,

"Surpri– _AHHHHHHH! Sasuke, _what the_ shit?"_

Oh.

Sasuke had forgotten about his disguise.


	5. Altered Data

**.**

**A/N:** Lost my mojo, found it again. Thank you to my reviewers, who I apologize immensely for not getting back to this time around. Kind of an awkward tango of is-it-too-late-to-reply and do-you-even-remember-what-you-wrote, and I'm not the best at social cues.

I've decided not to have any major pairings in this story. It's not romance-centered. Just your typical high school drama types of romance and nothing too serious. Friendship rocks.

Happy reading!

.

**Chapter Five**

…**:::Altered Data:::…**

**.**

**.**

**September**

**.**

**.**

"Surpri– _AHHHHHHH! Sasuke, _what the_ shit?"_

Oh.

Sasuke had forgotten about his disguise.

Kakashi dropped the knife he was holding in horror, nicking a few of his fingers in the process. Had Sasuke not been fighting an oncoming panic attack, he would have laughed at the uncharacteristic scream. As it was, he was currently yanking off his glasses and scarf, feeling dizzy and like he was going to throw up and _oh shit oh shit oh shit_ his experiment was going to fail and –

"Sasuke, calm down," Kakashi urged. He wrapped his bleeding fingers in a hand towel and stepped towards Sasuke with a look of utmost concern wrinkling his fine features. "What the hell is going on?"

Sasuke had been about to yank the pillow out from under his dress shirt when he heard the unmistakable slam of Itachi's car door from the driveway. Itachi? Home early? Kakashi seemed to sense the even _greater_ panic in the young Uchiha and put two and two together:

Itachi did not know.

The older man gripped his sense of reality and urgently shooed Sasuke out of the kitchen. "He left work early for me. He wanted to surprise you. Go change whatever exactly it is you're . . . wearing and I'll distract him."

Sasuke flew up the stairs before Itachi had even put his key in the door.

What had just _happened?_ He slammed his door shut and collapsed on his bathroom floor, heaving hard. His meticulously planned experiment, all gone. His face burned in embarrassment; what would Kakashi say about his hypotheses? He would have to explain everything, from the party in July to his poor reputation at Konoha High. Would he tell Itachi?

Damned if he wasn't grateful for the silver-haired man's quick thinking, though. His heart ached and he longed to hug the man to make up for the reunion cut short; oh how he'd missed him. His experiment didn't matter for the time being.

Sasuke scrubbed off his makeup and hid his uniform as quickly as he could before he was running downstairs and barreling into Kakashi's chest. The silver-haired man hugged him back so fiercely that Sasuke felt a lump form in his throat and tears sting his eyes.

"Hey again, kiddo. Good to see you."

From across the room, Itachi smiled softly at the two of them. "It's nice to have the three of us together again. A nice break from work."

"Even if I'm here _for_ work?"

Kakashi finally released Sasuke and plopped down onto the couch. Sasuke noticed the fresh bandages around his fingers as he sat down by his side.

"How long are you here for?"

"A week-ish. Emphasis on the –ish." Kakashi ruffled his hair affectionately. "Itachi called me down for some business affairs. Company's doing well."

"Well enough to move with us here?"

The hopeful look in Sasuke's eyes made Kakashi wince and look to Itachi for help. The older Uchiha shrugged helplessly. He had already told Kakashi about how poorly Sasuke was coping in Konoha.

"No promises yet, but we won't rule it out for the future."

The three of them fell into easy, familiar routine. Kakashi had cooked a surprise dinner of Bolognese pasta and salad as Itachi and Sasuke updated him on what they had taken away from Konoha thus far. Itachi was constantly stealing glances at his younger brother; he hadn't seen the boy that happy in months, and it broke his heart just a little to see how lonely he must have felt.

When Itachi was snoring softly on the couch an hour later, Kakashi stood in Sasuke's bedroom doorway.

"Do you want to go out for some ice cream?"

Sasuke knew he was itching to ask him about the disguise incident in private, but he couldn't risk being seen outside without it. He shook his head and motioned for Kakashi to come in, closing the door behind him. There stood the largest elephant in the room, weighing the entire house down until Kakashi continued casually,

"So . . . That was some costume."

And it all came out.

Sasuke hadn't realized how much he'd had bottled inside of him until he opened his mouth to explain to Kakashi what was going on and was surprised at the waterfall of words that tumbled out. He started with the party and Samui's revelation, then his plan and disguise and how poorly it had worked for him. He mentioned Naruto and Sakura and The Spot, his asshole reputation that followed him around, and finally his journal which he showed Kakashi. Pages and pages of notes and planning scrawled in neat paragraphs and charts.

Kakashi was a phenomenal listener. He mmhmm-ed and uh-huh-ed in all the right places without interrupting and without the slightest bit of judgment. Listening to Sasuke's experiences and reputation made him want to sweep him up into a hug and hide him away, but he'd always suspected the youngest Uchiha to be socially inept. For him to be confiding in him made him swell with pride.

By the time Sasuke was done, he and Kakashi were laying side-by-side on his bed staring at the ceiling. Kakashi caught Sasuke in the dimmed light of his room and noticed for the first time just how exhausted he looked. The skin of his cheeks was pink with a small dusting of acne, no doubt from the makeup he had been using unskillfully. He seemed thinner than usual. Kakashi brought one hand up to ruffle Sasuke's lengthened hair.

"Naruto sounds like a good friend, you know," he said. He chuckled lightly at Sasuke's pout. "He sounds like just your type. You just don't see it as friendship yet. And this Sakura girl sounds cute. I don't think I've ever heard you have a girlfriend, huh?"

"Not interested," Sasuke mumbled, though he knew Kakashi could see right through him. He'd never been interested in anyone at all in Kumo. He'd kissed his fair share of girls, but the experiences had been so lackluster that he hadn't bothered to explore anything else. Maybe what he felt for Sakura was infatuation? He would have to do more research into it later.

A very groggy Itachi poked his head into Sasuke's room. Sasuke laughed at the hair flying every which way on his usually clean-cut brother.

"What are you two still doing up? It's ten." He yawned widely, smothering it poorly with the back of his hand.

"Ten? Is that your bed time?" Kakashi teased. "No wonder you don't have a social life, Sasuke."

He dodged the pillow aimed for his head and rolled off of the bed. The three exchanged their good nights and headed off in separate directions. Sasuke barely had the energy to get out of bed. Revealing everything to Kakashi made him feel giddy with relief; a weight lifted from his mind for the week the man would be here. He finally had someone close to him that he could confide in. With bliss he hadn't felt in weeks, Sasuke closed his eyes and fell into a peaceful sleep.

**…**

The days leading up to the weekend were a whirlwind of good events for Sasuke's experiment journal. Naruto had been missing in his usual action, but Sasuke had grown closer to Sakura. He would take her invitations to The Spot or to lunch in stride and sit and observe. Only Shikamaru and Sai had ventured into casual conversation about classes, during which the Uchiha would be sure to speak as little as possible until his reputation healed itself. Sasuke dubbed them Neutral Parties in his experiment, and Sakura a positive variable. When he wasn't seeking out Sakura's invitations, Sasuke was with Suigetsu in the Culinary Arts lab, though their time together was usually cut short by Karin, who refused to associate herself with the Uchiha at all.

Friendship, thought Sasuke, didn't seem _too_ hard.

He found himself wondering where the obnoxious blond had gone to, however. Sakura told him Naruto was just busy, and Sasuke found himself a little disturbed to feel that he actually _looked forward_ to his interactions with the boy, though he would never admit it out loud. He far preferred Sakura's company for the time being. With Sakura, his lack of conversation skills was at least filled in with her incessant gossip.

Now Sasuke was seated on the bench by the lake, Sakura on his left with her usual bag of bird feed and Kiba, Ino, and that Hinata girl on the grass around them. Kiba and Ino tolerated Sasuke's presence as he tolerated theirs, but he hadn't spoken a word to them other than a murmured greeting since the last incident.

He spotted a familiar bobbing of blond over the horizon and his chest did a strange flop of relief. Naruto. He hadn't seen him in two days. The boy was squinting at a paper held in both hands as he walked towards them without lifting his head.

"Hoo boy," Kiba called to him. "Math?"

At that, Naruto's head perked up. He frowned and waved the paper. "Failed my first assignment. It's not looking good this year. Hey guys."

Sasuke wanted to ask him where he'd been for two days. Surely he hadn't been absent in the first week of school? Preposterous. He watched Naruto sit by Ino on the grass and loosen his uniform tie; the girl hugged him briefly, a sympathetic frown on her face.

Naruto sighed. "Genma says I can redo it for a better grade, but I'm worried about the rest of the year."

"Live up to your hair color, Uzumaki?" Sasuke found himself blurting and immediately regretting it once he'd caught Ino's murderous expression.

Naruto, to his relief, genuinely laughed. "I missed that shit humor of yours, Uchiha."

"Naruto is an honors student," came a whisper so quiet that Sasuke would have thought it was the wind until he realized the purple-haired girl named Hinata had moved her lips. He couldn't remember the last time he heard her speak. Nonetheless, for some reason the news came as a surprise. Naruto in honors? He hadn't pegged the boy to have a GPA above sea level.

Naruto shot her an appreciative sunny smile. "In everything except math. Can't make sense of numbers."

"Sasuke's pretty good at math!"

Sasuke's head whipped to Sakura's with an expression of _just-what-the-hell-do-you-think-you're-doing?_

"He could tutor you!"

Sai looked incredibly confused. "I thought tutoring was just an excuse for sex. I don't understand why you're encouraging them."

Kiba doubled over and howled with laughter from beside them. Naruto's face turned a fantastic shade of red despite his wide grin at Sakura, who looked entirely too pleased with herself. If this was her sick and twisted way of encouraging Sasuke to make more friends, the Uchiha did not appreciate it. He would rather pull his own teeth than sit and teach someone as dense as Naruto Uzumaki the basics of numbers.

"Sakura is just as good from what I've seen in class," he retaliated.

"Sakura? Nah, she's some kind of reincarnated angel." Naruto blew a kiss at her, to which she blushed. "She interns at the hospital every chance she gets. She doesn't have the time to deal with a lost cause like me. And Shikamaru tried before, but he doesn't have the patience. He'd be done with college now with that IQ of his if it wasn't for his lazy ass."

Sasuke cocked his head slightly. It was the second case of self-deprecating humor he'd heard in the blond. He filed the information away for his journal and said, "I would rather lick a cactus than tutor you."

"That can be arranged!" Kiba said brightly.

Naruto brought himself to his knees and hobbled towards Sasuke with his hands in prayer. "_Pleaaaaaase_," he begged sweetly. "Please, please, please, please, please? I'll even get you a whole cactus to lick every time you tutor me." Sasuke opened his mouth again to decline, but Naruto gathered his hands in his and batted the eyelashes of his impossibly blue eyes. "If my godparents find out that I'm failing math, they won't let me compete in jujutsu! It's literally the only thing I'm good at! You can't deprive a man of his primal instincts! _Please!"_

Sasuke wasn't sure what it was that had him accept. He wasn't sure if it was his curiosity at Naruto's alleged talent in jujutsu, or the ocean blue eyes staring back at him, or the prime opportunity to have Naruto influence his reputation for better. He gave a deep, deep sigh.

"Fine," he finally said.

Naruto cheered and threw his assignment into the air. "I'll repay you somehow. I could teach you jujutsu if you'd like?"

Tempted though he was, and incredibly intrigued, Sasuke shook his head. Working up a sweat with his disguise would be a poor choice. Naruto offered to settle the repayment on a day-by-day basis instead, leaving Sasuke to wonder just what he had gotten himself into. He would need to factor Naruto's tutoring times into his already tight schedule. Even going out to the movies that afternoon was an incredible risk that he wouldn't have taken if it wasn't for Kakashi reassuring him that he would keep Itachi occupied (if his older brother didn't drop dead at the fact that he had actual plans with actual people first).

Everyone stood up to prepare to walk to the pizza parlor down the block. Sasuke watched Naruto spring to his feet and jump onto Kiba's back for a ride like it was a normal everyday occurrence. Kiba dutifully latched his arms under Naruto's knees and ran forward, the blond calling, "Onwards, my loyal steed!" with Sakura skipping and laughing behind them.

Sasuke closed his eyes and smirked in spite of himself. If this is what friendship was supposed to look like, he didn't think he'd mind.

**…**

"This the kid?"

"Yeah. Fucking brat, he is."

"Looks just like his brother."

"Tell me about it."

"Well we got a lead from a tap saying he was headed to the movies at this time with the mayor's godkid."

"Let's go."

Two men sat in a black sedan, tinted windows rolled up to obscure their faces. The first man tossed a set of pictures onto the dashboard as the other put the car in reverse and set upon their destination.

"We aren't grabbing him today, right?" the driver asked.

"No. Too soon. We're just going to follow him around a bit, make sure we can tail him easily. I don't know what their security situation looks like, if he's packing heat, or if he's in range of body guards at all times."

"All right, boss."

The car soon came upon a gaggle of teenagers maneuvering the sidewalks together, one of them holding a pizza box as another attempted to fold pizza slices into a bag under his shirt. A shock of blond hair caught the passenger's attention.

"Naruto Uzumaki," he intoned. "This is the group. Look for the boy."

The driver's eyes scanned the group, but could not find their target. "Not here, boss."

"Impossible. Circle around again and get a _good fucking look_, Kisame."

Kisame threw the pictures from the dashboard into the passenger's lap. A handsome, dark-featured teenage boy stared up at him from the images. "You think I don't know what the kid looks like? I've worked with them for years. I was just at their house. I'm telling you: Sasuke Uchiha isn't with them."

Regardless, he heeded his boss' words and circled around the block to pass the group of teenagers once more. At best, there was a lanky, pasty teenager with the same coloring as Sasuke, but clearly not him. The boss growled low in his throat at the waste of time.

"Do you think Hatake is aware of us? That he purposely fed us false information in his call with Itachi?"

Kisame shook his head as he drove. "It's more likely that that little shit stayed home. All I've seen him do is eat and Netflix. Didn't even know he had friends."

The boss threw the pictures onto the floor, disgusted. "Fix your intel, Kisame. We can't afford a fuck-up of proportions I know you're capable of."

Kisame glowered, but said nothing as they drove out of sight.

**…**

"You're telling me you've never seen a fucking movie theater, Uchiha?"

Sasuke shook his head at Kiba. No, he hadn't. He couldn't even recall the last time he'd actually hung out with his classmates in Kumo outside of school. What point was a movie theater when he could watch whatever he wanted at home, in the comfort of his bedroom? Why should he eat stale popcorn and overpriced candy when he could make a meal fit for a king at home?

No one shared his sentiments, apparently. They were all staring at him like he had beamed himself in from a spaceship. Shikamaru summed it up succinctly for them: "You'd think you were a foreign exchange student instead of just the new kid a few countries over."

"What do you guys do in Kumo for fun?" asked Chouji, though hesitantly, since the last time anyone had asked Sasuke questions hadn't boded well.

The rest of Naruto's circus clowns had joined them at the pizza parlor, where they had barely fit inside of the small space. Sasuke looked to where Hinata was helping Shino conceal all the leftover pizza he had managed to stuff under his oversized overcoat for the movie. There were tips peeking out from his sleeves that the shy girl dutifully tucked away.

Sasuke shrugged. "Soccer. Parks. I don't know, I just never felt the need to go to a movie theater."

They stared at him in awe, some proclaiming that he needed to try the popcorn (and stay away from the nachos), others telling him he hadn't lived until he'd gone deaf sitting front row during action scenes. It was Ino who stopped them in the movie theater's parking lot.

"Sasuke Uchiha losing his movie theater virginity!" she exclaimed as the others instinctively huddled around her and she raised her arm.

Naruto hooked his arm around Sasuke's neck and pulled him in to stop him from retreating. Before the Uchiha could even understand what was going on, there was a collective murmur of "Cheeeeeese!" and a distinct camera _click!_

"One for the grandkids," she said, staring at the picture on her phone and frowning when she realized her department store uniform made her look frumpy.

Naruto nudged Sasuke with his own phone. "What's your number? I'll send you the picture once Ino sends it to all of us."

The concept was entirely foreign to Sasuke, and he was beginning to think Shikamaru was right. He felt like a foreigner on a new planet, not one in a new town. Commemoratory selfies? Piggyback rides and pizza parlors? Movie theaters in a group? He'd had no data about what friends _should_ be doing to cross-reference with from Kumogakure and tell him if what all that he was going through was normal. Where was the daily gossip about the others at school? Where was the competitive athleticism or climb to the top of the honor roll? Was _this_ what Sasuke had been missing out on his whole life?

Naruto nudged him again and Sasuke took out his phone to exchange numbers. He noticed Naruto save his name as "Sasuke the Theater Virgin" with an emoticon of an eggplant, then laugh when he caught Sasuke staring. "I do that to all my contacts, don't worry."

Sasuke saved him as merely Uzumaki.

The theater was underwhelming, the movie even more so. Sasuke tried to smother his yawns at the supposed horror movie on screen; he had never been one for horror, finding it incredibly tacky and clichéd. The seats dug into his spine, making the weight of his hidden pillow unbearable. And why was it so _cold_? He sniffed at the popcorn and declined Sai's invitation to try some; the smell of artificial butter and cholesterol churned his stomach.

He could have been at home. On the couch. With a bowl of cereal and his laptop.

Sasuke turned his head to look at the others and a small, traitorous smile tugged at his lips. Regardless of his discomfort, Sasuke couldn't have wished for a better day.

The movie was quickly over and the gang piled into the theater lobby. One by one they left with their goodbyes, smiling politely in Sasuke's direction or nodding their head in acknowledgement. Only Naruto and Shikamaru stayed behind. The latter yawned widely with his hands dug deeply into his pockets but made no move to leave. Naruto grinned at Sasuke.

"Shikamaru and I are usually the stragglers," he explained. "The night is young if you want to join. We're going to go throw some rocks into the lake until Mrs. Nara calls yelling, right Shika?"

Shikamaru put the least amount of effort possible into shrugging one shoulder.

Every ounce of Sasuke's energy was telling him to go home, curl under the covers, and watch the ceiling for the rest of the night. He'd had enough socializing for one day. The journal tucked under his mattress, however, haunted his thoughts. He needed more data. He needed more information on what people thought about him, and he always gathered his best intelligence with the least amount of people. Naruto and Shikamaru were prime participants.

He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly with a passive "Sure." The three of them headed out into the tranquil Konoha night.

Sasuke had originally pinned Shikamaru to be a shy, quiet boy. Walking alongside Naruto, he soon realized he wasn't shy or quiet – he was just lazy. If he didn't need to answer, he didn't answer. If he could answer in a single word, he would. It seemed that Naruto brought out his inner conversationalist, however; he easily kept up with Naruto's waterfall of words as The Spot came into view. If either took notice of Sasuke's complete silence, they did not seem bothered.

Sasuke took a seat on the bench by the lake and watched Naruto skip rocks across its smooth surface, never once allowing for a lull in conversation.

"Jiraiya says his latest book is going to be a hit," he prattled on to no one in particular. He let another rock fly from his fingers and it skipped impressively until it sank halfway across the lake. "Granny would have my head _and_ his if she knew he gave me a copy to read."

Shikamaru turned his lidded gaze to Sasuke to explain, "He writes porn."

"Artistic erotica!" Naruto corrected. "Icha Icha Paradise! Do you get it in Kumo, Sasuke? It's an international bestseller."

Sasuke wrinkled his nose, vaguely remembering the name but not enough to ring any bells. "I wouldn't know even if we did."

That caught Naruto's interest for some reason. He laughed and turned to give Sasuke his full attention. "Are you saying you're not into porn?"

"I thought you called it 'artistic erotica'," Shikamaru shot at him with a smirk.

Naruto waved him off and walked closer to Sasuke, a smile playing with his lips. "Online porn is great and all, but there's a certain _art_ behind erotica. You've never tried? I've got a few copies you could use."

The topic was making Sasuke incredibly uncomfortable. He could feel his stomach flipping and flopping oddly, the heat rising in his face. He wasn't about to have a conversation with Naruto about his porn habits (or lack thereof). His discomfort only seemed to amuse Naruto more. The blond put his hands up in defense.

"Okay, okay, I get it. Prude. No worries, you and Shino have something in common."

Flashes of Samui burst into his vision, Naruto's face contorting into hers. He took a step back, suddenly disgusted. Prude. Asexual. The most prized lay in the whole country, she'd said. A dare. Naruto saw his expression morph and his own softened into concern.

"I'm sorry if I triggered anything," he said immediately. "I was only joking."

Sasuke brushed him off, then immediately regretted it. _You ignore us half the time. You brush us off the other half._ Gritting his teeth, he managed to grind out, "It's fine. Just change the subject."

He was secretly impressed with how easily Naruto had managed to do just that. He tossed Sasuke a rock and the boy caught it deftly. "Hold it like this," he said, holding up his own in demonstration. "It'll catch the water just right. It takes a few tries to get it."

Sasuke skipped the rock further than Naruto's on his first try.

He smirked, setting his dark eyes on Naruto's sapphire ones in a wordless gloat of triumph. Naruto laughed that obnoxious laugh of his, but it didn't grate on Sasuke's nerves that time. Memories of Samui lay forgotten in the background of the moment.

"Should've known," he said. "Sakura mentioned you were kind of a genius. Good at everything, aren't you?"

Shikamaru nudged Naruto teasingly. "With enough geniuses in this group, maybe we'll be able to make up for your lack of common sense."

"I'm sure I'm more than enough for the group."

As soon as the words left Sasuke's mouth, he realized how horribly arrogant it sounded. He was becoming more and more aware of how he came off to people. More and more aware that he was kind of a dick, especially being around Naruto's friends who seemed to be molded from saints (with a few exceptions). So when he saw the edges of Shikamaru's mouth twitch, he was expecting a frown and retaliation, and was about to hastily attempt some form of apology. What he didn't expect was the smirk of amusement he received.

"Yeah, I think I've kind of got you figured out, Uchiha." Shikamaru picked up a few of the stones at the bank and began throwing them aimlessly into the lake. "You come off as a huge asshole, but I don't think you mean it. I don't think you _want _to be an asshole. I think you just don't know how to deal with people. You were probably a lonely guy back in Kumo for one reason or another. I think you think people are kind of . . . useless? That's not the word. Time-wasting. You think people are a waste of your time and that you're better off with yourself. You weren't exposed to them a lot, and now that you've moved to what I'm assuming is a smaller town, you're kind of at a loss of how to interact with them. So you're a dick, but mostly because you don't know any other way. Am I right so far?"

Sasuke turned his head in defiance. Shikamaru was mostly right. He would've been completely right if he'd known what was really hiding underneath the layers of makeup, the glasses, and the oversized clothing. He would've known that Sasuke's only interactions with people had been in a fantasy world of his own, where he was regarded as a god. He'd lost his godhood and with it, the people who kissed his feet.

"You got parents, Uchiha?"

That was taking it too far. Sasuke stood up, doing his best to control his breathing. Just who did Shikamaru think he was? How had he broken down the basics of his character in mere seconds? And how the hell did he know Sasuke didn't have parents?

Naruto stepped into his line of sight. There was something calming about the ocean-blue of his eyes and Sasuke found himself lost in the waves.

"Shikamaru does that," he said apologetically. "To everyone. He gets a kick out of predicting people."

Shikamaru had his gaze trained steadily on Sasuke. The depth of intelligence behind his lidded eyes surprised – and scared – the Uchiha. "I took it too far. Wrong time and place. Got ahead of myself. I apologize."

It was a simple apology. No passive aggressiveness, no ulterior meaning, no hidden connotations. Nothing but respect. Sasuke nodded his head in acknowledgement and closed his eyes to calm himself. Despite everything, Shikamaru had been right. He felt like an alien amongst men and was afraid of the moment he'd be unmasked.


End file.
